I've Got my Love to Keep Me Warm ...

Holy Cow Moment#:  I hate the idea of leaving my kids and it's worse on those cold winter days. 

It’s snowing and all I want to do is crawl into bed holding my little girl and ignore the world and it’s problems.  Okay – my husband can cuddle too.  The point is I don’t want to leave.  Snow days are made for hot cocoa and Christmas movies.  Cuddling under blankets and snuggling with loved ones.  But, alas, instead I am at work.  Trudging through the snow was not my idea of a good way to spend two hours this morning.

The one thing that I never expected was the fear of my own death.  Not the fear of dying, but the fear of accidentally leaving my child.  This new fear has made driving seem more treacherous and worse yet it has made me realize why I have such a hard time with leaving my child to anyone else. 

It isn’t because there aren’t people that I trust.  There are a select few – you know who you are.  But rather, it’s because I don’t want to let her down.  I hate the idea of not being there when she needs me.  I almost think I have a fear of abandonment myself and therefore I can’t leave her alone more than necessary.  Does this make me a bad parent?  I guess it depends on who you ask.  My child does go to daycare so it isn’t as if she will never get away from me. But after I get her, why would I waste time by sending her off to someone else instead of being a mommy and interacting with my kid if I have the choice?

Everyone has their own parenting strategies and no one is really wrong.  So don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. 

101 Ways - A Little Help from Unbiased Parties

I thought I would ask those out there how they forgive or get over years of mistreatment, or hurt, or anger?  That might mean you've been mentally abused, or someone stole your homework for years, or a coworker continuously steals credit for a project. 

When the guilty party never actually accepts that they are the ones at fault do you simply turn your back and stay guarded realizing that history has continued to repeat itself?  Or do you pretend like they just might change and then are astonished when something does happen, again?  I have in the past, forgiven and forgetten the first few times something happens, but after the tenth time your constitution starts to waver.  It finally hits you, that yes this will continue to happen unless you make a change.  My change?  I try and create distance in most cases. Sometimes I've stood up for myself just to realize that deaf ears are on the recieving end.

How do you handle a situation where a person in your life continuously wrongs you?  If they swear up and down they are changing what does it take to believe them - when in the past the words were purely said to apparently appease you?

If my problems were spiders I would simply step on them and call it a day.

101 Ways: What Our Parents Had that We Do Not

Has anyone had their parents go off on the ‘good old days’.  It seems to me like they are living in the past.  Wishing for the good,  still trying to live like that.  Well the reality is things have changed.  Times are harder.  Money is scarce and we all have to struggle just a little.  But, I feel like this might have made the younger generations accepting of change.  We are stronger and more adaptable.  We are survivors. 

Holy Cow Moment ?:  My child is not the only one making me want to scream.

I find myself wanting to scream at my parents or aunts or grandparents “Yes I hear you. I understand you had it good but move on.”  I think I am a realist.  I can’t get caught up in what I wish things were because they aren’t.  Sure we all look back once in a while.  Of course we all hope for a better future for our kids but you have to learn to live in the now.  You can’t improve by living in the future and you can’t change if you live in the past. 

I only hope that our children can continue fixing the issues we have only started to unearth.  Too bad my poor toddler has no idea that the world lays on her shoulders.  Although, I do think the Lorax helped touch on it a little.  Is it scary that Dr, Seuss is already trying to teach our children that we need to make a change?

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

101 ways to mess up your kid…

Disclosure:

All persons mentioned below are based on real people.  No one was harmed in the writing of this story (or at least that I know of). 

This post is not in direct response to any person in my life.  If you think this is about you, you are wrong and could be looked at as self centered (yes this is a joke do not take it personally).  Now who’s the one with the issues?  You may now read.

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Let me count the ways - of how you can mess up your child. 

Holy Cow moment ?:  I did not know that a personal trait could or would cause so much grief.  In your life you are bound to have a few traits or as I like to see them as “issues” from your dear childhood.

Why does this seem to be drama for people in my life?  If I cannot do it myself I feel like I failed, my issue not yours.  I am working on this but for the most part is this really that big of an impact on your life? When you go to someone’s house the last thing that should happen is for you to be enslaved.  You are a guest…you do not and should not need to help.  Sure I offer help at others homes because I don’t mind, but I am never offended if they say no.  I assume they have it figured out or could be like me and just can’t accept the help.  I am down with that J

Our parents can screw us up just as bad as society.  I do not know who to blame more.  We learn from what our parents did wrong and ensure we will not make those mistakes with our little ones.  Too bad we will find new ways to mess up our children.  It’s a vicious cycle.  But apparently the most appalling trait, to some, is that you cannot accept their help.  If I am going to drown, feel free to send me a life-preserver, otherwise don’t panic.  Someday I will be able to accept help.  I can attest to that already.  I have accepted help at two holiday parties – I turned them into potlucks! 

So, is not being able to accept help, not self help, not criticism, but honest to goodness help – as in here lay the meat and cheese out on a try really the worst trait your friend could have?   I guess I don’t know since I am the one with the “issue.” 

Maybe I can use the ‘101 ways’ to discuss everything that I know is wrong with myself.  I doubt it will fix anything but I could use it as a resume for potential friends.  “Here are my issues, what are yours?”  Sort like a compatibility test. 

 


Yes, having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.  ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood