Little Toddler of Terror

Holy Cow Moment #?:  Yes. I said it.  My toddler is a terror!  Sometimes. 

As she rips off her own plants and diaper and streaks down the hall I'm left open mouthed and frustrated.  It's nearly eleven at night and I am tired.  But what can you do after chasing said toddler for the last few hours EVERYWHERE.  Nothing.  So i sit and wait for her to come back.  I later will check for wet spots in the carpet.

And finally terror comes back.  Baby number two is kicking the pee out of me and now I have to wrestle the bare-butt toddler into a new diaper and more pants.  At some point she will go to sleep - I am sure of it.  At some point!

<Sigh>  These are the moments that you laugh at the next day, but wish would end the night before.

WARNING - Beached Whale

Holy Cow Moment:

I’ve hit beached whale status- in my mind anyway. 3 weeks to go!

 Having kids and then being pregnant changes your perspective on the to do list.  The new list Is “what I would do if the darn kids would leave me the blank alone.”  Your mentality to this list is get done one thing and call the day a success. 

All I want to do is sit.  Will the toddler let me sit?  No.  Of course not.  Will the toddler not be a total and complete evil human?  No of course not.  I want to scream that there are words for adults like her and one rhymes with witch.  Of course the whole effectiveness of name calling losses its appeal when  the person doesn’t understand the insult.  Right now the terror of trying to raise two kids is overwhelming.  I have no idea how I will get two kids down to bed alone.  Will she still fight me tooth and nail when her little brother makes his way into the world?  Probably.  Maybe I should just give up on the idea of ever having time to myself ever again and realize that bed time could now take three hours to complete instead of the current one and a half.  UGH.

Holy Cow what did I do?

Worst Mom Ever

Holy Cow Moment ?:  Have you ever had the moment of ‘Oh God I just killed my child?’  Heavy breathing, massive amounts of chest pain, and rivers of tears later you realize that it was an overreaction… sort of.  Holy crap can our children make us feel like we are the worst parents ever.

Last night as I dipped pretzels into chocolate my daughter was being good although curious.  As I sprinkled orange onto each pretzel my daughter wanted to be a part of the action and somehow lost her balance and thunk, her head met the floor. I panicked over if she would have brain bleeding or might slip into a coma.  Oh and by the way, it is an old wives tail that allowing your child to sleep after a head injury will result in a coma.  So as I watched for signs of trauma she started to act normal and enjoyed the bribery Oreo that I willing handed her.  Anything to make you child feel better, right? 

Several hours later my daughter was quietly dreaming in her bed and my heart was starting to settle down.  That does not mean I didn’t wake every few hours to check on her.  Well morning came as all mornings do, abruptly and unexpected – or maybe that is just how I see the sinister daylight.  As I woke my angel ,she seemed just fine until I returned her to her bed.  From there all heck broke loose.  She wouldn’t stop crying.  Because I can’t stay home I eventually had to give up and hand her over to her father who works later then myself.  Poor man didn’t get any sleep as said child finally stopped crying, but still wouldn’t sleep. 

As I sit at work panicking that she is crying over a head injury I realize that she has me where she wants me.  Wrapped around her little tiny fingers. Every time she pulls my heart is wrenched back to her.  Oh the pain. 

When Mom's Away - Who Knows What Might Happen

Holy Cow Moment ?: I think my child and husband have a better time when I am not around.

It's sad to think that they don't miss me but I think it's a reality when you get a picture as I did today.  Thank you technology for allowing my husband to share the havoc my child and himself were causing to her small hairs.

I shake my head still.  The Text that came through: Look someone found mommies hair clips inspires fear in my heart. No, not because I worry about lost of broken items but because I know my husbands lack of hair talents.  I hope the photos show because I just don't think I can do them justice in words.

Holy Cow how can you not laugh at life.  The one time my daughter doesn't pull out hair clips is when her father puts them in.  Of course. 

101 Ways: What Our Parents Had that We Do Not

Has anyone had their parents go off on the ‘good old days’.  It seems to me like they are living in the past.  Wishing for the good,  still trying to live like that.  Well the reality is things have changed.  Times are harder.  Money is scarce and we all have to struggle just a little.  But, I feel like this might have made the younger generations accepting of change.  We are stronger and more adaptable.  We are survivors. 

Holy Cow Moment ?:  My child is not the only one making me want to scream.

I find myself wanting to scream at my parents or aunts or grandparents “Yes I hear you. I understand you had it good but move on.”  I think I am a realist.  I can’t get caught up in what I wish things were because they aren’t.  Sure we all look back once in a while.  Of course we all hope for a better future for our kids but you have to learn to live in the now.  You can’t improve by living in the future and you can’t change if you live in the past. 

I only hope that our children can continue fixing the issues we have only started to unearth.  Too bad my poor toddler has no idea that the world lays on her shoulders.  Although, I do think the Lorax helped touch on it a little.  Is it scary that Dr, Seuss is already trying to teach our children that we need to make a change?

Unless someone like you cares a whole awful lot, nothing is going to get better. It's not.

Dr. Seuss, The Lorax

Crawling Helmet?

Holy Cow moment ?:  Did I just age 40 years?

I understand safety.. who doesn’t want their child to thrive and not have a million visits to the hospital or emergency room?  What normal parent isn’t striving for their child to make it to adulthood to become the next millionaire and save us all from our working class lives.  But isn’t it a little extreme to force our child into the crawling helmet?  I understand their our extreme sports, I even am starting to embrace the biking helmet for a jaunt through the part – sometimes; but a crawling helmet?  Gasp- How did we make it this far in life without one? 

Oh no -  I sound like an old timer.  “Seatbelts? who needs seatbelts?”, “Back in my day we didn’t have car seats or cribs.”  Okay thank you old people I get it, I truly do but in most cases these are life saving devices that have some sound research behind them.  Also 60 years ago high speeds were 45 mph not 75, cars were metal not fiberglass, cribs were new wood instead of aged drying out wood where the hardware is now loose.  But a crawling helmet? 

You can’t protect your child form everything – as much as I want to.  We can’t stop them from falling, we can’t stop them from shoving everything and I mean everything in their mouths.  We can’t protect them from heartbreak, or mistakes – or can we?  Padded rooms seem like an awesome idea?  Lock away our child and only let them watch the Leave it to Beaver reruns or  The Brady Bunch. But in the end kids have to learn somehow and some mistakes and ouches or owies are for a purpose – they are a part of growing up.  Besides if your toddler or baby are that far from you all the time that you think your best option is a crawling helmet maybe it’s time to re-evaluate.  Once in a while you will step away and they will fall, but most of the time we are around our children in order to lessen falls and bumps, but if they never fall they never can learn to get back up.  It’s scary out there, the world is a death trap but I can’t push my paranoia on my child.  It just isn’t healthy.

Holy Cow where is our world headed?

Tell me what you think?  Would you use the helmet or not?  Maybe you have a great example that might just change my mind?


An article on MSN was out today if you want to read more on the helmet and other mom's point of views. 

http://moms.today.msnbc.msn.com/_news/2012/04/13/11060105-does-your-high-speed-crawler-need-a-helmet?lite

Monday by any other name

Monday mornings are the worst… well next to Sunday nights.  I hate the impending doom – er I mean the inevitable beginning to the work week.  I dread leaving my daughter every morning but unfortunately I was not born into money and worse yet I didn’t marry for money.  I know right?  The one thing you can control and most of us marry for love.  Okay, actually I wouldn’t have it any other way but I still hate leaving my daughter.

Why is it that she is a nightmare at night, always!  The time when you can spend every second with her, you can hold and cuddle her.  You can watch a cartoon or play with her favorite ball, but yet she is usually Miss Busy Bee and doesn’t want to cuddle or sit with me at all.  I get pushed away by my almost eleven month old as if she has better things to do, I guess I can’t compete with the activity table and fisher price cell phone.  Fine whatever.  But still if she were this nightmare child in the morning AND I didn’t have to worry about my husband getting sleep I just might not hate leaving to go to work.  It would make my life just that much easier knowing I get to leave and take a mental break before I inadvertently put her up on ebay for a price that can’t be denied.

I guess children know?  They must realize that mom needs a reason to come home, she needs the mental anguish as a reminder to not forget to come home.  Granted her smile of joy when I walk into to get her from “school” makes everything worth while.  I know she missed me and sometimes I really think these few precious hours away strengthen our relationship because I am ready to deal with her grumpy butt, but better yet I cherish her smiles.  I love the moments when I get to hold her, or when she puts her tiny, chubby, baby hands on either side of my face and pulls me into her.  These are the moments that save her from her would be ebay fate and also the moments I want to cherish because I know that all too soon she really  won’t want anything to do with me. 

Monday morning is hard to leave because of her content and sweet disposition as i feed her before work, but Monday nights have to be the best because she misses me.

Holy Cow who knew that although having a child has made something’s in life harder – like leaving the house or having to return to the work on a Monday she has actually given me something to look forward to all day.  Sure she is driving me at high speeds into a mental break down some days, but for the most part I am enjoying the ride - but for the love is it hard to get out of the house in the mornings, especially Mondays.  If you thought Mondays were bad before, just have a child and they get worse. If we called Monday by any other name would it still suck?

Free Range Baby

Warning:  Do not read if you are thinking of starting a family - This is not an advertisement to become a parent.  It is on the other hand, the reality everyone will face at some point. 
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Holy Cow Moment ?:  Raising children is hard.  Raising a child can try your last nerve.  Raising a child is an adventure and for most the most wonderful and educational time in their lives.  Frankly raising a child is not for the weak or faint of heart.  Raising a child will show you your straights, your weaknesses, if you are mentally fit (although usually that is a good thing to know before procreating.)  So based on the fact that children can be a lot to deal with don't we all just need a break sometimes?  Some parental approaches to parenthood differ from my own and that of people I know, and although I can't say they are wrong they are not very public friendly one version is:

The Free Range baby

What is a Free Range baby you ask?  It’s the child running wild in the store or screaming down an aisle and then sliding into your ankle like your home plate and he just won the game.  (Thank you little boy for showing me my bones are not as brittle as I thought – although I still bruise easily glad I know this.)  Actually this is just a child in general.  what makes this a "free range" incident is that the parent clearly did not care and made no attempt to stop said child.  In fact when the child hit me and i said "Ouch" and almost dropped my own baby the parent gave me the dirty look as if i should have predicted her child’s appalling choices and moved, Sorry mom of the year my crystal ball is broken at the moment.

I understand you can't watch everything your child is doing at every second, kids move fast and they get away; we get it.  But if for some reason your child is not embracing  the rules of common courtesy then attempt to lead by example.  I get it, my little one loves to pet strangers - I do not understand why and I seriously feel awful when I miss her rouge hand.  I hope that soon she will learn about personal space, perhaps maybe she will learn about personal space when she is old enough to understand about an indoor voice. 

I hope I have not offended anyone but I really do want to know what goes through the Free Range parents head.  Why do you think it is ok to allow your child/ren to run free in a store interrupting everyone else?  Why do you think it is ok for them to toss out every ball in the ball bin and then not have to put them away?  I see the parents who had their child escape, track down their darling and reprimand them – Good for you by the way. 

Holy Cow does it annoy me more now that I have a child to see someone simply not care what or where their kids have gone.  One issue I worry about is safety.  If you child falls and hurts themselves – NEW FLASH you don’t have the right to sue simply because you can’t or don’t want to parent.  Every child has a bad day, every parent has a worse day and those parents are easy to spot.  Ignore the onlookers who are judging you because your child is screaming because he or she is safely in a cart under your watch, the parents and those with common sense feel for you and respect your choice.

Oh Thank you …

Holy Cow Moment ?:  As a parent you find yourself “Thanking you’re lucky Stars”. “Thanking God”, “praising the heavens” or whatever else phrase you can think of whenever you see a child worse than your own.   While you’re locked away with your tiny little minion or brat, evil one or whatever else you might call your spawn – er I mean child you have a tendency to think your child is the worst one out there and you have been cursed.  But rest assured you are not and they are not. 

My daughter is active.  She is a sweetheart for a ten month old but she had more energy then a chipmunk on speed – I assume they have a lot of energy but it might just be the squeaky voices. Either way she never sleeps and hates to sit still EVER.  My recent venture was to hit up Toy-R-Us, it was  supposed to be quick but it never turns out that way.  While we were there my child, belted in or not, would not stop.  She wanted to be out of the cart, then in, then pushing it ,then sitting backwards etc etc etc.  She isn’t a bad girl just a busy girl and when you don’t have the ability to walk you have to depend on others to help you expel your energy.  She does listen when you say no, but her comprehension of no at ten months old is limited, or so I keep telling myself. 

After fighting her (juggling her) for thirty minutes, only five of which have been spend shopping, I am ready to surrender and leave the store.  I guess I  realized I had to give up things when I became a mom but I didn’t think it meant I had to be a shut in all the time.  My daughters saving grace and the sanity check I needed came in the form of another child, he was possibly one, but maybe around my daughters same age.  He let out a blood curdling scream that made my daughter and myself jump.  I think we both thought a little free range baby had run into something and split his head open.  But no, we were wrong.  His mother had simply put him into the cart – I know gasp how dare she.   He screamed for a minute straight until his father showed up and removed him.  I figured that this meant he got what he wanted and he would cease to cry – well scream really.  No, once again wrong assumption.  As my daughter wide eyed and confused watched as this little boy was cuddled and escorted from the toy aisle I realized that my little girl is just smart.  She isn’t bad,  she isn’t a pain, she is just learning. 

SO thank you demon child at Toys-R-Us.   You have helped my relationship with my daughter and the realization that no matter how she is wearing me out or driving me bonkers at least she smiles through it all.  People react to her with a smile and a laugh not a cringe and the fastest route away from her.  I feel for the parents with the screaming kid, I wish I could help you but I can’t.  Either way just remember that just as soon as you think your child is the worst go to Toys-R-Us or anything other children’s store and you are bound to see at least one child worse or more crazy then your child.  I guess something to remember is that in my case my kid isn’t actual bad she is just CRAZY and keeps my hands full at all time.  But then again what else are a mothers hands for if not to play with her child – I just wish mine would find and interest in shopping instead of playing – or maybe not.  Maybe this is Gods way of helping me save money since I no longer have the energy to go to the store, let alone leave the house.

Holy Cow how are we all getting through the infant/terrible two's/terrible teens/raising children in general?

Do you remember

Holy cow moment ?: Do you remember the first moment you or someone you know made the choice to start a family? Did you even realize you were old enough to have a baby?  I still remember being 18 or 21; I do not feel old enough, well I didn't until I started to wake up with new aches that I swear were not there the night before.

For me, the initial thought that I was ready was while driving home from a 3rd birthday, I had the sudden urge to cry because we did not have any kids. My husband came around to the idea several months later.

The difference between the male mind vs the female in this situation?  Well there are a lot of differences.

In order to procreate a few basic things happen.  I am sure all of you are well aware of this and i don't need to spell this out.

In the male mind their initial thought is: "Cool! Unprotected sex." to the female it's, "OMG, OMG, we're really doing this.  Wait are we really doing this?"

The phrase "we're pregnant"

Male: "cool 9 more months of no protection."

Female: "OMG, OMG. We have a million things to do. Oh crap I'm ganna be sick."

The visual of the baby bump:

Male: "that's mine." - see the "mom car explained" for territory marking. Nothing says taken like a baby bump.

Female: "Omg, I'm pregnant. Crap I gained weight, oh crap this thing will need to come out. Omg what did we do?"

Holy cow it still feels like yesterday that our little girl turned our lives upside down but then again there are nights that feel like we haven't had sleep in years.

Do you remember the moment you were ready to change your world and share it with a tiny human? I do and I've been paying for it ever since. Just kidding. But the reality is I don't remember life before her, she's a piece to our family puzzle.

In between there were lots of other steps but I still remember standing in our bedroom folding laundry talking to my husband about really "doing this family thing". When he said "sure" I repeated a similar answer that I said when he proposed 2 years earlier. " Seriously?"  In a positive shocked sort of way; like when did we get old enough to have a baby?

Okay Mrs. Judgey Pants

Holy Cow Moment #: Holy Cow and I thought teenage girls were mean, nope it turns out the mother can be worse.  We all know the mother hen that protects her children, shields them, encourages them and we all admire her but what about the overindulgent, judge judgmental witch up the street?  Frankly I can’t decide to fear or just dislike her.  She judges the crazy mom down the street, who yes wears crocks every day and pants from <gasp> target or old navy, but her children are happy and well adjusted.  She judges the mom up the road who <gasp> isn’t feeding her child organic-vegan-tofurkey.  She judges the working mom three houses down who loves her children and spends every moment she is home with them, more then I can say for Mrs. Judgey mom who is spending WAY too much time staring out her front window knowing when everyone comes and goes, who is having an affair, who isn’t fit, who eats out too often and who is or isn’t happily married. 

There is that mom in every neighborhood or playgroup, in every group of daycare parents.  She judges your child’s sippy cup or that your child isn’t walking but crawling.  Well you know what I say Judgey mom from around the block!  Mind your own cotton-pickin business because frankly my kid seems better adjusted that your three spoiled rotten kids that scare me, I can envision their faces on future wanted posters. 

For all the normal moms out there, stay-at-home, working or somewhere in between put the smack down on the mom that judges you because we are succeeding every day our child survives. And so what if I celebrate mediocrity, so what if my child ate a freaking non organic cheerio, so what if my kid likes to were her hair in an odd spiky pig-tail thing, so what if my child loves florescent stripes with a red poka-dot top, who cares that my child is eating her own sock… she is happy and healthy what is your kid doing?  Well other then reciting three dead languages and building up a physical intolerance for meat, who cares that your child in a metro-sexual at the age of 7, who cares if your child can spout off half the dictionary – tell you what no one but your kid knows what he is saying REALLY EFFECTIVE.  

Holy Cow are mom’s judgmental.  Poor girls, there is no break, you will be judged from pre-school to middle school, from middle school to college, from college to the rip old age of OLD, the good news is at some point you just don’t care anymore- I am not there yet.  

This was inspired over an incident with a graham cracker.

Have no fear mom is here,

Holy Cow Moment ?: As a mom we no longer have fear – or, actually, no wait we now have twice the fears. One night as I was rocking my child to sleep, the poor little girl has another ear infection that I almost missed, I realize my fears have changed. I still fear the mighty spider, okay so I am afraid of an eight legged hairy (and some not so hairy) freak the size of a quarter at best. This fear is valid being that small tiny thing can kill a huge giant human, so the next time some dippy person says that they are tiny and harmless I dare them to go up against a brown recluse OR even better a camel spider – those things are the size of birds. I am still afraid of someone robbing my home, not that I have anything that they want but hey, a robber doesn’t know that until they try, I am still afraid of death, losing a job, a bad hair day, severe allergic reactions, eating spoiled leftovers, losing touch with good friends, icey roads, my phone dying, being locked in a room with 'that' annoying person, you know the normal things to fear.

But now, now I am afraid of my child falling and I won’t be there, I am afraid she might get dehydrated at daycare or that i might screw her up but won't know until adulthood. I am afraid she might love the lady at daycare more then she loves me. I am afraid that i will let her down. I am afraid of loseing her, i have a mental contingency plan incase Zombies become a severe issue. I am questioning if i can live forever just incase she might need me - fountain of youth anyone? Really though, I think every mom wakes a million and one times a night asking - is her blanket on, is she too warm, is the humidifier on, are they breathing, was that a cry or a sleep noise, should i wake them to change their diaper or better yet give her something to drink. Heck my poor husband is freaking out in his sleep that our daughter was in our bed and was falling-yeah in his dream he wasn't falling she was.

I fear that fear is a constant. No one has a kid because they woke up one day an said 'gee I don't think I have enough worry in my life let's procreate' or if they do shoot them. Too bad the worry and fear are attached to the giggles and smiles.

Holy cow I understand the gray hairs that parents get. I think you succeed if you have hair at all in the end.

Eight months later and counting

Holy Cow Moment #? My friend recently had a life changing experience and was later asked after all was said and done, "was she glad things were getting back to normal." I find normal to be...inappropriate. What’s normal anyway? How do we reach normal after life altering changes and events? I think the dippy lady meant that it must be nice to be getting back into a routine? But the 'special' person did not actually say that.
so lets look at life. If what I had pre baby was 'normal' then I will never achieve normal again. It is impossible. If what my neighbor has is normal, well, yeah. I don’t want that either; snooty, judgey lady. Now if you ask is my life routine? Well, its getting there.
I still don’t sleep through the night, I get sick all the time (I’m raising a science experiment), my gut has a forever rounded look, my feet are bigger then they were pre baby, I have a new health issue for life, insurance costs more, I don’t get anything done at night, I eat standing up more then I do sitting down-if I eat a meal at all, I have more baby items or accessories then my car or house can hold (its like we live in a maze-a carnival every day). I find that if I can go to the bathroom without being yelled at for one minute the night is relaxing, the hearing that I have currently lost in my right ear thanks to a perforated eardrum has been a vacation-it's so peaceful right now, even if someone screaming as we speak. I have yet to be able to wear one outfit a day and have it actually make it through the whole day clean, there is nothing really that resembles my life before my daughter so again i ask what is normal?

Holy Cow there are some inconsiderate people out there-or maybe dense is a better word for it. Don't ask anything with the word "normal" in it if something large just happened unless you can define 'normal'. A slide show proving that maybe my life wasn't normal before would help and therefor showing the chaos i now thrive in is normal.

Are you normal?

Surviving Parenthood

Post in comments your horror stories so I don’t feel alone.  We all have so many its going to be hard to pick – you know like that time the darling child projectile pooped on the wall, or the first diaper when the baby slid down it (thank you hospital for the inclined bed) and proceeded to get tar poop all up her back, or that time……….

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Holy Cow moment ?:  When someone says you will have good months and you will have bad months no one ever says – you will have BAD months.  Capital BAD – as in the apocalypse can’t hold a candle to this kind of bad. 

My child although the center of my world (by necessity this week rather then because of my undying adoration), isn’t making being a mommy easy.  I could take Sunday when we didn’t sleep – AT ALL, I could handle Tuesday when we slept for roughly 3 hours, I could handle Wednesday when – well you get the picture.  What pushed me over the edge was when at midnight I picked up my coughing child to comfort her and BAM – projectile baby spew everywhere.  I will spare you the details. But at this point I gently sit down the adorable ball of mess that has somehow been linked to my loins and now I just stand there.  I am soaked, arms being held away from my body in pure confusion as to what to do next.  What does one do in this situation?

Well I will tell you what this mom did.  I very methodically removed my clothing in order to avoid any additional mess.  I then removed my child’s and we had bonding time until I could muster up the comprehension that I now needed to redress each of us and clean the crib, the carpet, another load of laundry, keep the dogs from licking the mess up and keep the baby company.  I repeat no one ever prepares you for the BAD weeks.  Halfway into cleaning up this fabulous mess, that had to occur at midnight, I call my husband who is lucky working, lucky for him not me or his ears.   Bless the mans heart he does offer to come home; but like any headstrong, frustrated woman in the throngs of chaos we decline.  Why you ask?  To make the man in our lives pay for something.  Who knows what the poor guy is paying for but he will be forced to listen to us cry, blow up, sob and lastly become rational again.  So for mom’s there are BAD weeks for dads there are pure HELL weeks. 

How do men stay in a marriage with a woman and children?  Well in my case I think it’s fear.  Would you want to leave an insane person who could most likely figure out stalking, man slaughter or torture techniques that the agent worlds used to  use?  I think not. (Actually in my case I am lucky and it turns out he loves us even if I am a bit crazy and our child a little bit of a pain.)

I survived, I really really did.  But I question if my sanity is in tacked.  HAPPY FRIDAY!!!!!

Holy Cow I really thought I was a rational person.  I thought I handled crazy well; wrong.  An eight month old has beaten me.  One more win for the child and one more loss for mom.  Maybe the infant years are really to prepare us for the losing battles of when our children are teens, when the fights are verbal and might just hurt a little more.  Oh right – the whole child bearing process is a learning period for something else – IT NEVER STOPS.  There should be a metal similar to the Purple Heart for surviving parenthood.