WARNING - Beached Whale

Holy Cow Moment:

I’ve hit beached whale status- in my mind anyway. 3 weeks to go!

 Having kids and then being pregnant changes your perspective on the to do list.  The new list Is “what I would do if the darn kids would leave me the blank alone.”  Your mentality to this list is get done one thing and call the day a success. 

All I want to do is sit.  Will the toddler let me sit?  No.  Of course not.  Will the toddler not be a total and complete evil human?  No of course not.  I want to scream that there are words for adults like her and one rhymes with witch.  Of course the whole effectiveness of name calling losses its appeal when  the person doesn’t understand the insult.  Right now the terror of trying to raise two kids is overwhelming.  I have no idea how I will get two kids down to bed alone.  Will she still fight me tooth and nail when her little brother makes his way into the world?  Probably.  Maybe I should just give up on the idea of ever having time to myself ever again and realize that bed time could now take three hours to complete instead of the current one and a half.  UGH.

Holy Cow what did I do?

Forgetting - Just About Everything

Holy Cow Moment ?:  What did I forget?  Oh, everything from a simple word to who was posting my author blog.  But the biggest thing I forgot was how much I forgot about forgetting during pregnancy.

You mind blocks out the un-pleasantries.  It really, really does. Anything from the pain of a stretching and tearing muscles in your stomach, to joint pain, and the elusive pregnancy brain.  One new thing that I know I didn’t forget is the crotch pain.  Okay the doctors are much more PC.  They call it pelvic discomfort.  Let’s call it what it is – CROTCH PAIN.  It can take me a minute or two to be able to walk normally after sitting for an extended period of time. 

So there you have it.  Five weeks till delivery and I barely remember my own name and to lay out my daughters clothes for the next day.  On top of the memory issues, walking has become a torturous event.  So why am I doing this again?  Oh right, because my mommy brain helped me to forget what stunk about pregnancy.  Maybe I will do a post of on the postpartum… that one will make you wonder how it is you forgot enough in order to allow yourself to get knocked up again.

Holy cow I did it again.  The longest 5 weeks of my life yet to come.

Mom's Plate

Holy Cow Moment ?:  Diet plans are for the birds, just have a kid to eat all your food for you.

Did you know that food - the exact same food mind you, will always taste better on mom's plate?  My toddler will refuse her plate and all that is on it.  She will insist that she is full if no alternate option appears.  However, when mom's plate is within reach the tune will change.  I had no idea that blessing a food item with the luxury of being on mom's plate automatically made it better.You'd think with this option that I wouldn't have gained as much weight as I have with baby 2.  And no, I will not tell you how much that is.  Let's say it is more than what the doctors would like.  (Yes that would be pretty much anything over 5 lbs. Stupid charts.)

Holy Cow I will probably never eat like a normal person again.  Maybe I should start taking enough for 1.5 people - then again with my luck she won't eat that day and I will be left looking like a pig. 

Tired Mom

Holy Cow Moment #?:  The holidays are stressful - they are not just worse.

I finally know why you never see a mom or dad of a toddler running around refreshed during any breaks.  Add a holiday to the mix and things only seem to get worse. 

Here is how my week off started. 
On the first day of break my toddler gave to me - a stomach bug.  So while being pregnant I was throwing up everything.  Yeay!
On the second day of vacation my toddler gave to me - one sick husband and I was barely recovered while we had to chase her anyway.
On the third day of vacation my toddler gave to me - the joys of not sleeping because now she was sick and couldn't sleep. 
On the fourth day of vacation - which is now Christmas Eve - my toddler gave to me the joys of taking care of her fever and cranky little butt. 

Anyway - you get the point.  So while fighting a stomach bug, taking care of a sick husband and child, I then had to make all our gifts for his family.  By the time Christmas got here I was ready to take a nap and still had to smile pretty for the camera. 

Note to self - Toddlers are unpredictable and will share everything.  Sometimes this is great, while most of the time not so much.  This is why you see a tired parent around the holidays.

The Joys of Pregnancy

I have officially broken out the elastic pants.  Why?  Well who wouldn’t want an excuse to wear elastic pants? 

So what if I can still get into my normal – pre-baby pants.  They are getting tighter every day and why put the baby and myself in discomfort for the sake of saying “I’m still wearing my normal pants.”  My response is generally going to be “good for you.  Want a cookie?”

So great news for me.

I no longer need to hide my, never been flat, stomach.  Now I get to flaunt any rounding-out there is. 

I get to wear elastic pants – as stated above. 

Your libido takes a jump for the better – well you think it is for the better while going through it and I doubt any husbands complain.

Your chest has a tendency to grow – okay not great for you if you are larger busted but once again no spouses seem to complain.

You get to gain weight and have something to blame it on.

You have a great reason to eat the extra serving of pie at Thanksgiving OR turn down that nasty casserole your aunt makes every year.  Just claim you will toss your cookies due to its ingredients being an aversion. 

Your hair and nails grow better and faster than ever before.

People claim you glow.  Frankly that sounds radioactive and unhealthy, but what woman doesn’t love to feel attractive.

You have an excuse of why you are tired and need to nap.

You have an excuse of why you DESPERATLY need to go to a burger joint of ice cream parlor STAT.  (Who doesn’t want to use the word Stat.)

You get a whole new wardrobe.

Everyone is nicer to you, including the public, but not your next door lesbian neighbor.

I know there are a million more things that make pregnancy rock but I will stop there for now.  I am ignoring morning sickness, constipation, exhaustion, food aversions, crying all the time, bloating, swelling, having to push a boulder through a straw sized hole, prenatal diabetes, preeclampsia, and the fact that you will have to someday deal with a toddler.

Holy cow I love my elastic pants.

Let the Food Aversions Begin

Holy Cow Moment ?: Who knew pasta could be so revolting.

Baby number two officially doesn't like pasta or rather marinara sauce.  Friday morning as I packed my lunch for work the sight of leftover spaghetti made me go running for the bathroom.  Who knew?

My first pregnancy I craved more then I was repelled by, which is probably why I gained a ton of weight. Or, it was a lot, according to those stupid charts that doctors pass out.  You know the ones... The charts that say if you weight more than a bird you can't gain anything.  I always wanted to ask how it is they can tell a poor pregnant woman they are fat. I made a spleen today, what did you do?

Anyway, for now I am cutting out one carb - pasta, so that should help this time around.

Holy Cow everything I knew from baby number 1 isn't going to be squat for baby number 2, at least during the pregnancy.

When “Advice” Goes Wrong

ADVISORY: This is a rant.  Do not take anything personal - but if you notice you may be a culprit or a victim then you may laugh with me.  Culprit's learn from your mistakes.

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Holy Crap Cow Moment ?: When is enough enough? How do you stop the "advice diarrhea?"

  How much advice is useful?  Well, when the advice in unsolicited sometimes none.  While you are pregnant you hear everyone’s thoughts and opinions, which can get annoying, but what happens after the baby is here?

 

For the most part you will always hear the “if you just did this, that wouldn’t happen.”  Although most likely a lot of parents you know or run into will say “oh, we had that same issue and this is how we dealt…”  Which is advice based on experience, okay, I think that can be helpful.

Sadly though there are some that step over the bounds and criticize.  Maybe criticize isn’t what they mean to do but when they can’t approve of a single thing that you are doing to raise your child that is exactly what they are doing.  Easy to overlook one or two comments, harder when you reach the fiftieth.

How do you handle the grandparent/parent/family member/friend/etc that know everything? 

• Sure you can ignore the advice, but at some point they get offended.  (Yes I know, I tried)
•  So next step, explain how your parenting is different.  Now you are being disrespectful and saying they are wrong (which you probably are but not on purpose. People giving the ‘advice’ usually will take any disagreement of their views as rude). 
• Maybe you can avoid them as a last resort?  No, that means you are being rude and once again, disrespectful.

But what other passive alternatives are there?  Now, the above is assuming you care about the relationship with the over-advising party.

If you answered no to that last statement then my suggestion is to block the caller ID, avoid any place that person may hang out, and when all else fails run them down with any motorized option of your choice – by accident of course.
 

I would like to remind involved parties that advice is an option, not a must.  Too bad this rant will fall onto the ears of those that have the same issue opposed to those that are guilty of the crime.
 

Dictionary.com says:

 ad·vice [ad-vahys] Show IPA noun

1. an opinion or recommendation offered as a guide to action, conduct, etc.: I shall act on your advice.

2. a communication, especially from a distance, containing information: Advice from abroad informs us that the government has fallen. Recent diplomatic advices have been ominous.

3. an official notification, especially one pertaining to a business agreement: an overdue advice.

Glutton for Punishment - Baby Number 2

The word is out – or at least I think it is.  If not it will be now.

 Holy Cow Moment #: Baby number two is on their way.

Did we just sign ourselves up for a world of hurt?   Somedays I think maybe.  When my daughter is running around without stopping for hours and all I can do it pray she crashes early so I can go to bed the idea of 2 is a little intimidating. 

This baby was a small surprise.  Yes we weren’t not trying, but I had been told that it wouldn’t be easy to get pregnant this time around.  Why?  Well thanks to the first pregnancy I now have a few health issues and on top of that I am still nursing – just barely but I am.  Well let me just tell you the doctors are full of poop. 

So here I am due in March, just before my darling toddler’s second birthday.  Will we survive?  I don’t know.  I guess we will since millions of others somehow do it.  Does that really help reassure me?  Not really.  I still feel like I am on an island, alone. 

If I survive the morning-afternoon-evening: okay I am sick all the time. Whatever dopy doctor names it morning sickness should be shot for the misconception that leads to.  Anyway, if I survive that and the new baby survives my toddler trying to take him/her out already by pretending mommy is a trampoline, I suppose we will be okay.

Oh how I wish that a stork really was the way a baby arrived. 

Holy Cow what have we just done? :-)