Forgetting - Just About Everything

Holy Cow Moment ?:  What did I forget?  Oh, everything from a simple word to who was posting my author blog.  But the biggest thing I forgot was how much I forgot about forgetting during pregnancy.

You mind blocks out the un-pleasantries.  It really, really does. Anything from the pain of a stretching and tearing muscles in your stomach, to joint pain, and the elusive pregnancy brain.  One new thing that I know I didn’t forget is the crotch pain.  Okay the doctors are much more PC.  They call it pelvic discomfort.  Let’s call it what it is – CROTCH PAIN.  It can take me a minute or two to be able to walk normally after sitting for an extended period of time. 

So there you have it.  Five weeks till delivery and I barely remember my own name and to lay out my daughters clothes for the next day.  On top of the memory issues, walking has become a torturous event.  So why am I doing this again?  Oh right, because my mommy brain helped me to forget what stunk about pregnancy.  Maybe I will do a post of on the postpartum… that one will make you wonder how it is you forgot enough in order to allow yourself to get knocked up again.

Holy cow I did it again.  The longest 5 weeks of my life yet to come.

Mom's Plate

Holy Cow Moment ?:  Diet plans are for the birds, just have a kid to eat all your food for you.

Did you know that food - the exact same food mind you, will always taste better on mom's plate?  My toddler will refuse her plate and all that is on it.  She will insist that she is full if no alternate option appears.  However, when mom's plate is within reach the tune will change.  I had no idea that blessing a food item with the luxury of being on mom's plate automatically made it better.You'd think with this option that I wouldn't have gained as much weight as I have with baby 2.  And no, I will not tell you how much that is.  Let's say it is more than what the doctors would like.  (Yes that would be pretty much anything over 5 lbs. Stupid charts.)

Holy Cow I will probably never eat like a normal person again.  Maybe I should start taking enough for 1.5 people - then again with my luck she won't eat that day and I will be left looking like a pig. 

Child Donation

 Holy Cow Moment #?: I survived!!!

Last night was one of THOSE nights. The nights where you really consider child donation or even putting them up on ebay.
 
It was one of those nights where I had too much to do and not enough me to go around.  The second we got home was supposed to be for dinner and baking.  Instead the cookies didn’t turn out – anyone know why cookies go paper thin straight from the fridge to the oven??  Anyway from there it was cranky baby central.  I figured I was lucky that she ended up going down for a nap – for 20 minutes.  Then it was go time while I still had to come up with a cookie recipe for one of those awful cookie exchanges.
 
Let me just say that I normally love everything holiday until someone says “please bake 7 dozen cookies” and you barely know them as it is.  Yeah. 
 
From there my little wonder wanted to dance to the musical ornaments on the tree.  Cute right? Well unless you want to bake – I use the term want loosely. After coaxing her to allow me to leave the tree party I attempted to get her to eat and maybe watch a movie.  That worked for about… oh 10 minutes.  Dinner ended up on the floor mostly.  Now she is going to help me.  Oh goody.
 
Pulling out the stool so she can climb to counter height seemed like a great option, except she wanted to be held.  Have you ever cracked an egg with a baby in one arm?  About twenty minutes later the new dough is ready to go so I force my child to stand on her own two feet – I know I am awful.  I heard all about it. 
 
From here it is a balancing act of getting cookie balls onto cookie-sheets while holding her back to get them in the oven.  After that I have 8 minutes to get another batch ready – or I can clean up the yogurt that was just sprayed around the kitchen. Choices, choices.  After that I have to again restrain child from hot oven and then remove her from the stool that she has now gotten her head stuck in. The night just continues like this for two more hours.
 
By 10 cookies are baked, I am beat, and my child is still running circles around the dogs – who by the way are exhausted even.
 
Merry freaking Christmas days.

Toddler Bed 2, Daughter 0

Holy Cow: My baby Is growing up.

My daughter is officially in a toddler bed… okay “in” might be the wrong word.  She sleeps in her big girl bed for most of the night and then will fall out.  One night she made a noise and fell back to sleep next to the rocking chair curled in a ball.  Another night mom wasn’t as lucky and the poor kid was awakened and scared herself.

She has oddly transitioned to her new bed fairly well.  A little fighting here and there but she does well over all. She appears, so far, to stay in bed until we come get her if she wakes before us.  Which of course she usually does.  One more step in getting ready for baby number two.  Aside from not always staying next to me in the store and needing to be potty trained, I’d say we were in good shape.  Over Christmas we will officially get Number 2’s room ready.  At present my daughters room went from busy to crowed when we moved in the toddler bed.  We will be removing the crib this weekend.

So tricks to getting your kid to sleep in her own bed?  Well patience in one.  We started out with letting her ‘play’ with her bed before she was put to sleep in her crib.  Slowly that turned into letting her fall asleep on my lap and laying her in her big girl bed until she woke up.  Naps were key.  We didn’t try nights until after a week of naps had been successful.  After another few days of successful nights in her bed with her already asleep I started to transition her to the bed awake.  This was a little more difficult and involved some crying.  But in the end the subtle transition paid off. 

Anyone else have any tips to share on transitioning a toddler to their “Big Kid” bed?

The Joys of Pregnancy

I have officially broken out the elastic pants.  Why?  Well who wouldn’t want an excuse to wear elastic pants? 

So what if I can still get into my normal – pre-baby pants.  They are getting tighter every day and why put the baby and myself in discomfort for the sake of saying “I’m still wearing my normal pants.”  My response is generally going to be “good for you.  Want a cookie?”

So great news for me.

I no longer need to hide my, never been flat, stomach.  Now I get to flaunt any rounding-out there is. 

I get to wear elastic pants – as stated above. 

Your libido takes a jump for the better – well you think it is for the better while going through it and I doubt any husbands complain.

Your chest has a tendency to grow – okay not great for you if you are larger busted but once again no spouses seem to complain.

You get to gain weight and have something to blame it on.

You have a great reason to eat the extra serving of pie at Thanksgiving OR turn down that nasty casserole your aunt makes every year.  Just claim you will toss your cookies due to its ingredients being an aversion. 

Your hair and nails grow better and faster than ever before.

People claim you glow.  Frankly that sounds radioactive and unhealthy, but what woman doesn’t love to feel attractive.

You have an excuse of why you are tired and need to nap.

You have an excuse of why you DESPERATLY need to go to a burger joint of ice cream parlor STAT.  (Who doesn’t want to use the word Stat.)

You get a whole new wardrobe.

Everyone is nicer to you, including the public, but not your next door lesbian neighbor.

I know there are a million more things that make pregnancy rock but I will stop there for now.  I am ignoring morning sickness, constipation, exhaustion, food aversions, crying all the time, bloating, swelling, having to push a boulder through a straw sized hole, prenatal diabetes, preeclampsia, and the fact that you will have to someday deal with a toddler.

Holy cow I love my elastic pants.

What's in Your Fridge?

Holy Cow Moment?:  Have you ever woken up to see the cereal in the fridge?  What about legos?
 
As parents we have all been so tired at one point or another that we put the milk in the cupboard or leave out the coffee creamer.  What makes life even more fun is when your toddler can reach the fridge and starts leaving little surprises that make you laugh.  Everyone needs a rubber ducky in the veggie drawer right? Just don't try and cook it.

My house appears to be in constant turmoil. The more my child can reach the more things that I have now lost.  The more she moves the more items that are scattered everywhere.  Yesterday I spend nearly thirty minutes trying to find my makeup.  I guess its like an adult scavenger hunt, just without any clues. 

What would we do without our children to ruin the house. 

Holy Cow no matter how much I try and clean after work and on weekends, she can undo my efforts in less then ten minutes. 

When Mom's Away - Who Knows What Might Happen

Holy Cow Moment ?: I think my child and husband have a better time when I am not around.

It's sad to think that they don't miss me but I think it's a reality when you get a picture as I did today.  Thank you technology for allowing my husband to share the havoc my child and himself were causing to her small hairs.

I shake my head still.  The Text that came through: Look someone found mommies hair clips inspires fear in my heart. No, not because I worry about lost of broken items but because I know my husbands lack of hair talents.  I hope the photos show because I just don't think I can do them justice in words.

Holy Cow how can you not laugh at life.  The one time my daughter doesn't pull out hair clips is when her father puts them in.  Of course. 

I Just Said What?

Holy Cow Moment ?: If anyone were to read my text messages to my husband they'd either think I was kinky or disturbed.

Here are the last few text messages to the hubby:
"we have pee"
"just had a poop. It was thick too."
"just ate 2.5 chickens"
"more pee. Thank God."

So let me say that our daughter has had diarrhea and vomiting for three days. She was becoming severely dehydrated. The above maps out that she is starting to get back to normal,but honestly I never thought I could describe poop-or that I would ever study it. Another conversation had the phrase "she pooped but it was more pudding then solid." Sorry pudding, no offense.

As far as the chickens go, please I live in suburbia. No deep woods oddities here. She ate a couple of nuggets that my husband lovely refers to a simply-chickens.

A little more insight into what parents talk about when one is away and the others trying to keep them informed is fluid intake or dosages. Bu I now see that for what it is...I'm not only into odd fetishes but I'm a drug addict.

"use a syringe"
"try a teaspoon"

I am referring to ways of getting our daughter hydrated when she doesn't want to drink.  But these two phrases alone, to anyone else, would have made someone seriously question us.

Either way the results are the same.  When did this become my life?  

Holy Cow we talk about poop and pee and get excited about it.  Never in my life did I imagine being excited over bodily functions. 

'Play Date' - The evolution of socialization after kids

Holy Cow Moment:  Having a child didn't do me any favors when it comes to having time to myself, accomplishing goals, or doing anything other then being conducive to my child.  Oddly enough as much as I thought my social life would decline, it hasn't.  In fact I have more of a social life now then I did before - its just different. 

Suddenly everyone wants a piece of you.  Someone wants to swap baby horror stories, tell you about school, or share their beliefs in diapers and bottels.  Another mother wants to pressure you into another baby or eight, Sally Something next door wants to tell you about greek yogurt and arrange  a playdate.  Hello unwanted social life.

What is a "Play Date" anyway.  Is saying, "Hey lets get together and the kids can play" difficult?  Maybe I am just too new to this whole mom thing.  I felt like a fraud when I first got pregnant. Until I got my first ultrasound I didn't think i belonged but now it's a whole new experience.  Suddenly there is a special language.  What next, a secret handshake?  The mommy club is super exclusive - just ask your single or child-free friends.

So not only did I have to learn to be a mom I now have to learn to be a social mom.  And here I thought the hardest thing to do was to survive, turns out knowing the Code words are just as difficult.

Why Child Why ...

Holy Cow moment #?:  Has anyone else sat at wondered, "Why Child Why?"

This morning as I am trying to do what I love, something to take my mind off the stresses of reality I find myself saying these three words, why child why.
A letter to my child:

"Dear Toddler,
   I believe you came home with the wrong parents 1 year ago.  We sleep, you do not.  This in itself is enough to make me believe something went amis. 

Oh child of my loins,  real people need at least eight hours of sleep.  From Dr. Someone and another Dr. Someone else, they suggest that toddlers sleep around thirteen to fourteen hours.  Perhaps we should switch out I want to be a Princess  for medical reviews and journals so that you understand the key words here. 

Oh darling daughter, learn to speak big people talk.  Mommy can't understand you and the high pitched squeal you have so aptly developed in order to communicate needs to go. Mommy hears you loud and clear i do not need a special alarm notifying me that i might have missed something.

Oh sweet little girl, mommy is a few steps away from placing you in a clean, comfy box on the side of the street forgoing any profit just to get a few minutes peace.  Midnight is not a bed time, it is time for bars to close, creepy stalkers to return home and little girls to sleep.

Ah my darling peanut, please stop the idle chatter and rest your tiny head.  Even mommies are human and frankly this one is going to crack like an egg. 

                                                                                     All my love,
                                                                                       Mommy - although i am still questioning if you are really mine or not.

P.S.  Please stop finding new things to injure yourself.  I didn't even know that you could hurt yourself with an infant brush - although how you got this in your crib I will never know."

A daily dose of fiber

Holy cow moment #?: I'm fishing out paper...out of what is the question. Out of my darlings mouth. Who knew paper, napkins, boxes or anything else in the paper product category could be so yummy?
A knew excuse-my child ate my work. Literally. Think anyone will believe me? I have more note pages with tiny edges and chunks of paper missing. It looks like i had a mouse attack, alas but no , its something much harder to get rid of.

I'm not sure if my daughter is trying to tell me she needs more fiber or something else. Her first birthday is approaching and I wonder if i should advise all guests to wrap gifts in biodegradable paper with natural dyes, or better yet-wrap gifts in fruit rolls ups!! Of course then the dogs would help unwrap/eat her gifts.

Holy cow who knew id be wresting paper from my child like a dog. She bites down and wont let go. The visual is actually really funny, especially when she places the paper in her mouth purely to carry it hands free while pushing her walker around the kitchen.  I do worry the dogs may be rubbing off on her. If she starts to growl maybe I should worry?

Am i a bad mom because my daughter is eating paper?  One more check mark against me I am sure.

You say hoarding ... i say saving UPDATE

I had a few people ask what the invites looked like so here you go.  I had to delete the address and emails since who knows who can see my blog. Wouldn't it be nice if everyone could.

Anyone else have a good "saving stories."  I should make a list of items that I have saved for years that have come into use now that I have a baby.

Another item of use were all my candle making accessories.  Started that collection about fifteen years ago.  When money was tight around Christmas, thanks to baby, we had to buy minimal items to compete gifts for our family.  Everyone got hand made, personalize candles.  I'm not sure everyone liked them but the good news was I used more stuff I had been saving.

My husband is happy though, we are cleaning stuff out!  So maybe the baby is helping us declutter... that's maybe a whole other blog.

You say hoarding, I say saving

Is adding color to the posts exciting or not?  Blogger has changed things a bit and i wonder if i should try out some of the new features.  Life is exciting i tell you.
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Holy Cow Moment #?: My husband was speechless as I sat on the couch using embroidery floss to make invitations. He wasn't speechless because of my mad crafting skills or the fact he has now embraced the braid, which, will come in handy when our daughter has hair. He was speechless however when I said, "See who knew that 20 years later I'd finally use this stuff."

I will fully admit that I sometimes have a hard time getting rid of perfectly good items just because they have gone out of style or I'm too busy to use them. I feel validated today as I use the kit that I so carefully assembled at the age of 10 to make friendship bracelets. I may not be giving my BFF a bracelet but it’s come in handy in making invitations for my daughters first birthday. The invites are in fact free since I had everything on hand.

Sure i get rid of things but sometimes you just need to keep certain items. I’m glad my intuition was right in this case.

(take that men - female intuition is not to be argued with.  I feel this is one of those moments where “I told you so” could apply, although I still have to face the fact that it take me years to get to the “I told you so” moment.)

So although I am not sure if I should be embarrassed that I have held onto certain items for years upon years they have come in very handy.  I fully embrace certain trends will never come back – or we hope – parachute pants, fluorescents, really bad plaids and stripes (oh wait they did come back) you get what i mean.  But for those trends like the friendship bracelet, i really think that my daughter will get back into something like that, and if not ... well i will keep using it to make cards. 

Holy how I want to write 6 sigma or 5S teams and tell them to bug off. I just saved $10 or more by using things I already had that take up little to no space at all. Okay so what if it still sat for years, its a craft item and one that I have periodically opened up through the years – mostly to validate saving it but so what.