Monday, December 31, 2012

Tired Mom

Holy Cow Moment #?:  The holidays are stressful - they are not just worse.

I finally know why you never see a mom or dad of a toddler running around refreshed during any breaks.  Add a holiday to the mix and things only seem to get worse. 

Here is how my week off started. 
On the first day of break my toddler gave to me - a stomach bug.  So while being pregnant I was throwing up everything.  Yeay!
On the second day of vacation my toddler gave to me - one sick husband and I was barely recovered while we had to chase her anyway.
On the third day of vacation my toddler gave to me - the joys of not sleeping because now she was sick and couldn't sleep. 
On the fourth day of vacation - which is now Christmas Eve - my toddler gave to me the joys of taking care of her fever and cranky little butt. 

Anyway - you get the point.  So while fighting a stomach bug, taking care of a sick husband and child, I then had to make all our gifts for his family.  By the time Christmas got here I was ready to take a nap and still had to smile pretty for the camera. 

Note to self - Toddlers are unpredictable and will share everything.  Sometimes this is great, while most of the time not so much.  This is why you see a tired parent around the holidays.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

I've Got my Love to Keep Me Warm ...

Holy Cow Moment#:  I hate the idea of leaving my kids and it's worse on those cold winter days. 

It’s snowing and all I want to do is crawl into bed holding my little girl and ignore the world and it’s problems.  Okay – my husband can cuddle too.  The point is I don’t want to leave.  Snow days are made for hot cocoa and Christmas movies.  Cuddling under blankets and snuggling with loved ones.  But, alas, instead I am at work.  Trudging through the snow was not my idea of a good way to spend two hours this morning.

The one thing that I never expected was the fear of my own death.  Not the fear of dying, but the fear of accidentally leaving my child.  This new fear has made driving seem more treacherous and worse yet it has made me realize why I have such a hard time with leaving my child to anyone else. 

It isn’t because there aren’t people that I trust.  There are a select few – you know who you are.  But rather, it’s because I don’t want to let her down.  I hate the idea of not being there when she needs me.  I almost think I have a fear of abandonment myself and therefore I can’t leave her alone more than necessary.  Does this make me a bad parent?  I guess it depends on who you ask.  My child does go to daycare so it isn’t as if she will never get away from me. But after I get her, why would I waste time by sending her off to someone else instead of being a mommy and interacting with my kid if I have the choice?

Everyone has their own parenting strategies and no one is really wrong.  So don’t judge me and I won’t judge you. 

Saturday, December 8, 2012

Child Donation

 Holy Cow Moment #?: I survived!!!

Last night was one of THOSE nights. The nights where you really consider child donation or even putting them up on ebay.
It was one of those nights where I had too much to do and not enough me to go around.  The second we got home was supposed to be for dinner and baking.  Instead the cookies didn’t turn out – anyone know why cookies go paper thin straight from the fridge to the oven??  Anyway from there it was cranky baby central.  I figured I was lucky that she ended up going down for a nap – for 20 minutes.  Then it was go time while I still had to come up with a cookie recipe for one of those awful cookie exchanges.
Let me just say that I normally love everything holiday until someone says “please bake 7 dozen cookies” and you barely know them as it is.  Yeah. 
From there my little wonder wanted to dance to the musical ornaments on the tree.  Cute right? Well unless you want to bake – I use the term want loosely. After coaxing her to allow me to leave the tree party I attempted to get her to eat and maybe watch a movie.  That worked for about… oh 10 minutes.  Dinner ended up on the floor mostly.  Now she is going to help me.  Oh goody.
Pulling out the stool so she can climb to counter height seemed like a great option, except she wanted to be held.  Have you ever cracked an egg with a baby in one arm?  About twenty minutes later the new dough is ready to go so I force my child to stand on her own two feet – I know I am awful.  I heard all about it. 
From here it is a balancing act of getting cookie balls onto cookie-sheets while holding her back to get them in the oven.  After that I have 8 minutes to get another batch ready – or I can clean up the yogurt that was just sprayed around the kitchen. Choices, choices.  After that I have to again restrain child from hot oven and then remove her from the stool that she has now gotten her head stuck in. The night just continues like this for two more hours.
By 10 cookies are baked, I am beat, and my child is still running circles around the dogs – who by the way are exhausted even.
Merry freaking Christmas days.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Manic Mom Sunday

Holy Cow Moment: I thought I hated Sundays before.

Having kids has made me dread the end of the weekend worse than before.  I hate leaving my precious child – while she’s asleep anyway.  This morning I quietly push her bedroom door open expecting to see her curled up, butt in the air, asleep as I do each morning before I go to work.  I always wake her and give her some applesauce or yogurt, change her diaper, and give her a few minutes of cuddle time before I have to say goodbye and head out.  This morning a tiny figure was patiently waiting for me on the edge of her bed.  The moment she saw me enter her room she very meticulous scrambled off her toddler bed to greet me.  It was the sweetest moment to realize she looks forward to our short time together in the mornings too.  This does not however erase the rush of Sunday nights.

Sunday’s were once a day to enjoy your last day at home.  Now they are overrun with making meals, doing laundry, picking up the trail of destruction to pretend like I cleaned, spend quality time with my child and maybe the husband, run to the grocery store and stores in general, come home do more laundry, and so on and so forth.  Someday I will be adding homework to that list.  I guess what it comes down to, is that with kids there are no “quiet days” just “quiet hours” when the children sleep and so you should be too.  But with all the crazy going on the thing that makes Sundays the worst is knowing that the next day you will be returning to work and leaving your little ones for most of the day.

Holy cow a little person can make Mondays worse than they were before.A second is only going to make leaving harder... darn it all.