Wednesday, November 30, 2011

Appearances, not just good but good enough

Holy cow moment #:I found myself zombie like this
Morning-I'm referring to exhaustion but I'm sure my haggard pre-shower self could resemble a zombie a bit. This state of being isn't new really, but halfway through applying eyeshadow I realize its not even close to the intended look for the day. I know, I know, appalling-or you're shocked I still apply makeup. Believe me I am too. it took both eyes for me to stop and realize I don't match, not really, but oh well. Pre-baby I'd have washed it off, post baby I shrug and think 'it could be worse.' please note that on days like these you will see people outside of work you'd prefer not too-work people in general are exempt because on a good day everyones too busy to care about your look. On a bad day you're the office gossip until 'that guy' does something to pull attention from your orange or neon look.

So holy cow moment-I'm not only applying makeup, I'm being creative about it. I'm impressed I notice I've applied the wrong eyeshadow before I leave the house, even if I do nothing about it. My husband has a saying 'it's not just good, it's good enough.' I understand now - it just took me sleep depravation to get there. What's the next step- not caring if your socks match-oh right, never mind.

Monday, November 28, 2011

Who is keeping score anyway?

I find myself starring at the video monitor screen doing a silent but embarrassing victory dance. I fist pump the air and promptly sprint to whatever long forgotten chore I've neglected forever-I now have 20 minutes give or take. One small victory for mom, no giant leaps were made-my darling child is finally napping.

Holy Cow Moment ?: I never thought I'd spend an hour of my night fighting with a two foot tall human who can say everything in what I'd like to think is close to cave man talk just to get a nap. She actually doesn't nap, we power nap. So to summarize my night-I've been yelled but I'm not sure exactly how but I did figure out it was in protest to said power nap, I was tormented for an hour(well every 15 minutes for an hour) and i was starred down by my tiny human all for 20 minutes of peace. I could just go to work for this kind of abuse and at least I'd know what they would be calling me.

So maybe it's not a full victory but I'm still counting it since right now I have so few chances. Someday though-someday.

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Maybe Vampires do exsist...

Holy cow Moment #: if I were a vampire then being awake at four in the morning would actually be my evening...but I'm not and therefore it is not, or I don't think I am? Since when did four am become my me time? My productive time to squeeze in another load of laundry, a great time to hem those pants, wash my hair and vacuum even? When i had a baby of course - maybe these insomnia like traites, which are baby induced, started the myth of vampires thousands of years ago. Because after all I am not the first mom to be up at ungodly hours.

Holy cow - i just compared being a mom to being a mythical blood thirsty creature-and I'm not picturing those of Twlight.Maybe I resemble a Zombie rather then a vampire. Granted my mood at certain hours could reflect that of both depending on the day. Some days I'm sure people fear I'll attack them, but who knows if id stop at their blood or go for their limbs too. I know you know what I'm talking about-mom or innocent bystander.

Ahh the joys of being a mommy. I love it though, my darlingdaughters smile makes everything worth it-or well that's what I'm supposed to say. :-). (all joking aside she is worth it)

Friday, November 25, 2011

Thankful for a lot

Making it to our first holiday season means we've succeeded at parenthood for half a year! Applause please. Making through our first black Friday unscathed also a major feat.

Holy cow Moment ?: I'm thankful for my hubby who talks me off the ledge at times. Im thankful for our puppies who teach me to not take life so serious. Imthankful for my daughter who has shown me I had way too much time on my hands. I'm thankful that i fit into a pair of pre-baby pants!!-okay they were fat pants none the less but the were prebaby fat pants! Who knew there would be a day to rejoice about fitting into pre-baby fat pants.

But really "holy cow" do I have a lot to be thankful for. Looking back I never thought I'd have such a wonderful life filled with love, lots of laughs and maybe a little less hair and a few extra pounds. Life is good.

Mom car moment-was able to donate a few cannned goods that had some how snuck under the seat. also had cough drops for sick husband-he won't admit thisone though.

What are you thankful for?

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

A Dogs Greeting

 Holy Cow Moment 6:  I always laugh or cringe each time I see my dog sniff another dogs rump.  I always ask myself what can be so appealing, why is this the signature way to say, “Hi, how are you Fred.”  Well today I still don’t understand but I find myself holding up my daughter frequently through the day to sniff – you got it, her rump.  Granted my purpose is a little more noble then a dogs but I think mom mannerisms have a tendency to regress once children come around.  Of course I have to wonder what my daughter thinks about this practice.

Friday, November 18, 2011

What do you mean you can’t read my mind?

This applies to all women not just moms - the most recent encounter I have had though has been since I became a mom and now the energy to say what I want has apparently evaporated. 
Holy Cow Moment 5:  Twas the night before work and all through the house not a creature was stirring not even…oh wait mom was. The night before Christmas lies, mothers never sleep, so someone is always stirring.  Husbands and dogs on the other hand apparently do not. 
 At 2:30 in the morning as the baby’s cries are heard over the monitor, almost in surround sound since the monitor and the baby’s room really aren’t too far apart, the blurry vision of an exhausted mom tries to focus and figure out what the heck is going on.  The husband is sleeping, soundly I might add, along with the dogs, but not the mother.  I stumble to the bathroom and can feel the anger growing, I grab my robe and stomp – well it sounds more like an enraged rhino (yes I compared myself to a Rhino, at least it wasn’t an elephant).  Why isn’t someone else waking to the baby’s distress? 
What is really going on in my head is, “if I have to be up everyone one else should suffer too.”  I’m getting more and more mad the more everyone sleeps - except of course for my daughter and myself.  I stomp some more, mumble under my breath and finally toss the pillow onto the sleeping husband.  He is now awake – not coherent but awake.  I feel a little better.
Later that day, since this is a weekend, the baby is being a wonderful joy – for awhile.  She starts to get fussy while I am grabbing laundry from upstairs; my mom instinct says that she probably needs a diaper.  I get downstairs and what do I see?  My husband sitting there with the baby on his lap, still fussing.  I stomp by (I apparently stomp a lot), I am once again mumbling under my breath also. 
The holy cow moment that should come as no surprise is – My husband can’t read my mind.  So what I learned is if the baby needs a diaper just tell him, if you want him to change her diaper at 2:30 in the morning just ask him.  He never said no he just isn’t wired the same as me.  I actually see this as an inconvenience  – “God please feel free to make ESP part of evolution to make men more efficient. – Amen.”
5 days to Thanksgiving!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Green (or orange or yellow) is not my color

 I have survived another day!  Oh and so did my daughter - i think that this has been a rather successfull week already. 
Holy Cow moment 4:  When did my nights go from watching TV shows with maybe a load of laundry, some light cleaning and dinner making, go to piles of laundry that never gets caught up, bottles to prepare for daycare, diapers to change (nearly every 30 minutes – apparently we are healthy), juggling a kid on my hip while cooking and who the heck knows when I’ve even looked at the vacuum last - let alone seen the surface of my kitchen table?

Ooo, oo I know, I know (I raise my hand like there is anyone looking) – it was about the time I pushed out a watermelon size child from my loins.  Talk about ripping you a new one.  A top the other wonders of parenthood there is the new added excited of food!! YEAY we have graduated from purely milk to puree.  Mommy’s diner now serves vegetables.

This is exciting – this is a great milestone to get to but now we’ve added more to the already short evening.  Now we have to have purees made and prepared, bibs need to be washed A LOT, mom and child go through about 2 additional outfits a night – great who didn’t need more laundry, a highchair needs to be cleaned and I have discovered that dried sweet potato can resemble that of cement, it also can remove hair, perhaps she could aim at my eyebrows that give me a more menacing sinister look – something that could have been great for Halloween.  

So far our status is: hate carrots, love sweet potatoes, like green beans, love sweet potatoes and still hate carrots – this time we threw them up and yes they were still orange.  Although I love the color arrangement of carrots, green beans and sweet potatoes I am not a fan of finding them all over my clothes, in my ears or hair – oh Child your ears are not a good location for them either. 

So Holy Cow – when did I become Picasso’s canvas?

So close to Thanksgiving I can’t wait.  Maybe we will try something new – pureed fruit perhaps? What stains the least, any ideas?

Monday, November 14, 2011

Photo Op

Holy Cow Moment 3:  Yesterday we took family photos.  Wow, family photos.  It used to be dog photos or couple photos, now its family photos.  I used to worry about my makeup or hair looking perfect, making sure everything was pristine (yeah don’t go look at my old photos because it never was no matter what). Now, all I wanted to know is, “Do I look like I tried?”  or “Is there baby spit up anywhere on me that you can see?”  So I think it is safe to say things have progressed… er maybe regressed? 

I also underestimated how much work it is to get a husband and infant ready for photos.  I had grand plans to curl my hair – I know gasp- what mother has time to curl their hair.  I did abandon this effort after I actually found the time and energy put on makeup and eyeliner!  From there my darling daughter was in sweats and a shirt figuring she has a tendency to spit up on everything, we would just change her at the photo place.  My husband did get himself dressed and very well I might add.  His tie was perfect something I don’t either of us had mastered for last years Christmas party so I was really proud.  (I should note that he doesn’t wear ties but once a year since his job is hands on and rather messy.  A tie would actually be a safety hazard so unless I don’t like him anymore or I need the insurance money he doesn’t wear ties.)

So off to the store we go.  We are of course are running in my mommy definition of “On time.” We have exactly 5 minutes to get said daughter dressed and get into the studio so in the end we were 3 minutes late.  Wow moment again – we were changing her diaper stripping her and redressing her in tights, dress and a sweater in the parking lot.  My husband was slipping a diaper cover on as I was holding her attempting to button her up one handed.  If there had been a contest for dressing a child in less then 2 minutes I think we won.  Our daughter found this highly amusing which made dressing her all the more of a pain since we too were laughing.

As we get into the studio, 3 minutes late, the people seem a little frazzled because heaven forbid they treat people like people instead of cattle going in for slaughter (apparently I have a fixation with cows based on my second post and this one).  As we are sitting down it hits me… where are our daughters shoes and headband… oh right on the seat of the car where we put them.  Go parents! Well these cows just threw a huge pile of manure out there – or at least that is how they looked at us because my husband had to go get these items.  I refuse to pay for photos that I don’t think will look cute and the headband made the outfit, I think. 

Well to make the long story short we ended up swapping appointments with apparently very put together parents (I think they were just brought in to make us feel bad).  The photos were still done in record time – I didn’t know I could sprint in heals – that didn’t even make it into the photos.  What’s the point of having cute shoes if no one sees them? 

So wow moment of my week was – I have a family, I don’t care about my hair anymore and I apparently can’t get 40 things done at once without being late and still forgetting something.  The good news is that at least everything was in the mom car; it’s just too bad it didn’t make it into the mom purse to make the trek inside.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Chivalry is not Dead

Happy Veterans day and thanks to all our armed forces out there! 

This is not the post for today but it is a warm fuzzy I had to share.
A Holy Cow Moment: Chivalry is not dead – and apparently I still look good enough to be sort of flirted with at a donut shop at 7 in the morning. So that narrows down the flirters to be in high school or dads.  These two were in high school but it was sweet non-the less.  The fact they were so sweet made me feel like my decision to eat a donut (yes just one…ok two) was valid instead of working out.

Anyway as I said I was at the forbidden donut shop that will remain nameless to protect where I buy my donuts from.  I was heading out to the door as a normal person does to exit a building when it opened by itself.  Being I am not Harry Potter this means there was someone on the outside with impeccable timing.  In this case there were two someone’s.   I paused and we engaged in the “No after you” circle when finally the taller of the two boys says, “we are keeping Chivalry alive in your life now please exit the building.”  I couldn’t help but smile and they smiled back also as I followed up with an, “alright well thank you very much.”  I now have renewed faith in people today and am hopeful that my daughter will someday have a chance to find a decent man (not until 25 years of age of course – incase dad is reading this).  If chivalry isn’t dead that means it will be passed down to future generations.

 I hope someone holds the door for you today  J

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

20 and Lets Stop Counting

Due to recent events I feel this needs a special post.  This is not a Holy Cow moment in my life but a Holy cow in someone else’s.

Thank you Beth for the information on the circus –er, I mean the Duggar’s and their 20th child.

For starters this is my opinion and my opinion only (although Beth agrees as I am sure most of you will).

My thoughts –
1.  What does Mr. Duggar do because apparently my husband needs to get in on that. 

2.      They use religion as their reasons for their now 4 separate basketball teams (there are 5 people to a team for those that don’t know).  God might want to exercise his right to revoke free will at this point – just a thought.

3.      At some point I am going to venture a guess child birth is an Olympic sport in this family.  Can they really be enjoying the procreation process? (Yes I went there and now you are too.)

4.       I love my child, I ache for her all day but after oh… I dunno number 10 do you even know who is who anymore in order to miss them?  “Hey number 5, okay number 7 you’ll do.) 

5.      There are 26 letters in the alphabet – yeah but they aren’t going for each letter so why are they are on 20 again?

6.      I think someone needs to get Mrs. Duggar a promise ring – ask her to promise to please stop.

7.      well need I say more – lets open this up shall we. 

Mom’s Diner

WARNING - This post contains references to cows, milk and other motherly things (such as nursing).  Yeah thats right cows. So if you are sensitive to any of the above skip this one.


Holy Cow Moment 2:  Contrary to my infants belief I am not open twenty-four hours a day, seven days a week.  I am struggling to find my me time and thanks to her, in her tiny eyes I do not have, nor should I get, any.  It’s like I’m a sweat shop dairy farm (if there ever could be such a thing) – I suddenly feel for the cows that live day in and day out in a stall.  That being said I still cherish my time with my child and I like my right to choose to nurse but after dealing with men at work I am now officially over whatever modesty might have remained after the birthing experience.  (For those woman who have never experienced this portion of life don’t worry you can still laugh – just envision a cow.)

I am a working mom, be it right or wrong I am not here to argue about it.  My company has a room set aside called a “mother’s room” great idea right?  In theory it’s awesome, small uncomfortable couch, tiny fridge that something might have died in and on a good day a jet engine of a fan, which whirls not stop, has yet to take off.  Sounds great right?  Well for me it is, except when I have to fight for the key.  I’m sure you are now imagining a couple of mom’s going at it out over a key, but really it was more like one mom and five men going round and round over today’s best communication network , E-mail.  Ah E-mail I love the, except when everything gets misconstrued, can take hours to get responses and all while the mom in question is getting ready to blow up – literally.  Yes I was getting mad, yes I was ready to punch one of the MEN in the face but I was literarily going to blow like those shoes back in the day you could pump until it could take no more and Poof no more functioning shoe.  TMI right? 

So here’s the story, apparently a crap couch, tiny fridge, a deafening noise and four walls needs to be locked up like fort knocks.  Who knew?  To get into the mother’s room there are qualifications and I thought I had them all.  I was apparently wrong.  It took me three hours and five men later and a threat of confidentiality and several other choice words to get a key but only after I found that the GUY guarding the key went to the same elementary school with me, small world right.  Why the 5 men you ask?  Well one guy referred me to the next and the next and the next until I ended up with the first again who then gave me another name (the one who actually controls the key – NOVEL CONCEPT), non were woman.  Now that everyone knows my business why don’t they just join me?  I mean if this is such a “sacred choice” and this room is highly coveted that they can’t allow a key to an obviously desperate mother why not just join the party.  It is official I have no modesty or dignity left. 

“Motherhood is so beautiful” – whoever actually said that adopted, had a maid and nanny.  Today I have a crusty section of hair – thank you child of mine for spitting up in it before I left for work and too bad I didn’t notice it since I have become immune to the smell.

Monday, November 7, 2011

The Mom Car

I have yet to go out of the house minus a baby, that’s just the start of all the changes.  Every day there is some new “Holy Cow” moment, weather it’s me stepping outside my sleep deprived, stressed, spit up smelling self and seeing it or someone else pointing it out there is always that moment when you go, “how in the heck did I get here?”
Holy Cow Moment 1:  I had the realization that I had the “Mom car”.  Similar to that of the “Mom Bag” or “Mom Purse” but I have the car.  There was sun in my Childs eyes and as I have yet to get a sunshade for her window I dug in the car and found, low and behold, a towel.  Perfect! My husband just shook his head.  My husband complained he was thirsty and, low and behold, I found not one but 4 bottles of water.  The temperature dropped to freezing and of course we didn’t think to put coats on when we left the house at noon, thank you Colorado but, low and behold, the Mom Car had a coat for each member of the family.  After pulling these miraculous yet practical items from my car my husband was silent for, about five minutes.  Shortly there after he suggested I clean my car.  He later would regret this when we went to get a coffee and I had removed the refill mugs that gave us discounted coffee from a specific shop.  He is now leaving the “Mom Car” alone. 

Today there are gloves for every age and size of person, as long as said person can handle girly colors. There are at least three hats, but you would need to have an infants head – but don’t worry found some scarves that could be used as hats (mind you these have been in there all summer.)  Next I found several boxes of unopened Kleenex, so if there is a horde of snot nosed children (or fathers) passing by my car we are covered.  I did find myself surprised when we drove by a food donation box at a store, I was able to get out, look in the Mom Car and donate 2 boxes of Mac and cheese and some soup.  I also had some brining bags which although is a little odd have come in handy for those who might get sick in the area – grocery bags would work too but as I am working on this environmentally safe thing all my bags are cloth (that are in the car anyway).

Of course the Mom Car has the basics, a shopping cart cover to protect the munchkin from germs, a few blankets for sleepy moments, a stroller for when duty calls, several snacks such as granola bars.  There is a little make up for the mornings you forget to put any on, a few books incase you get stuck somewhere- you would have some kind of entertainment.  Taking up additional space are a few more towels that I can’t really explain why, but I guess we are good in a rainstorm or flashflood, hair brushes and clips – you never know when you might have a makeover party in the car right?  I know I am missing a lot since I am too embarrassed to do a full inventory of the “Mom Car.” I fear this is only going to get worse as my family grows.   I guess I should say that my daughter is only 6 months old so, again I repeat – “How in the heck did I get here.”

For now I will dig out a nail polish (a stunning pink, because that goes with everything?) sit back enjoy a packet of instant coffee (I actually don’t even remember buying the little packets of instant coffee, so that’s scary) and the mug that has again returned to the Mom Car and kick back and enjoy being a mom.