Tuesday, July 31, 2012

101 ways to mess up your kid…

All persons mentioned below are based on real people.  No one was harmed in the writing of this story (or at least that I know of). 

This post is not in direct response to any person in my life.  If you think this is about you, you are wrong and could be looked at as self centered (yes this is a joke do not take it personally).  Now who’s the one with the issues?  You may now read.
Let me count the ways - of how you can mess up your child. 

Holy Cow moment ?:  I did not know that a personal trait could or would cause so much grief.  In your life you are bound to have a few traits or as I like to see them as “issues” from your dear childhood.

Why does this seem to be drama for people in my life?  If I cannot do it myself I feel like I failed, my issue not yours.  I am working on this but for the most part is this really that big of an impact on your life? When you go to someone’s house the last thing that should happen is for you to be enslaved.  You are a guest…you do not and should not need to help.  Sure I offer help at others homes because I don’t mind, but I am never offended if they say no.  I assume they have it figured out or could be like me and just can’t accept the help.  I am down with that J

Our parents can screw us up just as bad as society.  I do not know who to blame more.  We learn from what our parents did wrong and ensure we will not make those mistakes with our little ones.  Too bad we will find new ways to mess up our children.  It’s a vicious cycle.  But apparently the most appalling trait, to some, is that you cannot accept their help.  If I am going to drown, feel free to send me a life-preserver, otherwise don’t panic.  Someday I will be able to accept help.  I can attest to that already.  I have accepted help at two holiday parties – I turned them into potlucks! 

So, is not being able to accept help, not self help, not criticism, but honest to goodness help – as in here lay the meat and cheese out on a try really the worst trait your friend could have?   I guess I don’t know since I am the one with the “issue.” 

Maybe I can use the ‘101 ways’ to discuss everything that I know is wrong with myself.  I doubt it will fix anything but I could use it as a resume for potential friends.  “Here are my issues, what are yours?”  Sort like a compatibility test. 

Yes, having a child is surely the most beautifully irrational act that two people in love can commit.  ~Bill Cosby, Fatherhood

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

'Play Date' - The evolution of socialization after kids

Holy Cow Moment:  Having a child didn't do me any favors when it comes to having time to myself, accomplishing goals, or doing anything other then being conducive to my child.  Oddly enough as much as I thought my social life would decline, it hasn't.  In fact I have more of a social life now then I did before - its just different. 

Suddenly everyone wants a piece of you.  Someone wants to swap baby horror stories, tell you about school, or share their beliefs in diapers and bottels.  Another mother wants to pressure you into another baby or eight, Sally Something next door wants to tell you about greek yogurt and arrange  a playdate.  Hello unwanted social life.

What is a "Play Date" anyway.  Is saying, "Hey lets get together and the kids can play" difficult?  Maybe I am just too new to this whole mom thing.  I felt like a fraud when I first got pregnant. Until I got my first ultrasound I didn't think i belonged but now it's a whole new experience.  Suddenly there is a special language.  What next, a secret handshake?  The mommy club is super exclusive - just ask your single or child-free friends.

So not only did I have to learn to be a mom I now have to learn to be a social mom.  And here I thought the hardest thing to do was to survive, turns out knowing the Code words are just as difficult.

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

What not to say

I published a post on the subject of "what never to say to your childless friends," when I first started this blog.  Well, I feel vindicated! MSN posted on this subject too and I wasn't far off from what they thought.  So to all my child-free friends, weather by choice or other, I vow to try and avoid these subjects at all costs.  You are valuable to me.

Holy Cow Moment ?:  We are all chasing off our friends by being in the "mommy club" and forgetting what it was like to be on the outside.  Don't forget you don't know if someone is childless by choice or because of medical reasons.  You don't know how significant the choice is either. So as a mom (or dad) vow to remember that if we want to keep all our friends, we will think before we go off into "mommy" mode.

I try and remember what it was like when I did not have children and a few things that a friend did or said that made me realize that she might not be as good of a friend as I had thought.  It hurt deeply and made me feel as if I were a complete moron or that there was something wrong with me.

So to all of my "Families of 1 or 2", and I don't agree that dogs can't be your kids so throw them in also, if i ever hurt you please tell me because I love you dearly. but sometimes I might forget.

Click to see:
MSN's top 10 things not to say if you value your friends without kids
I think the number one thing that hurt the worst was the below.  Granted I will admit I did not fully understand some things, I can now say that, but no I am not from another planet and I was not as clueless as my friend and or friends assumed me to be by their statement.  Now that I have been on both sides of the fence I can speak freely.   

2. "You'll understand when you're a mom."
Sure, motherhood can change your perspective on many subjects, from discipline to healthy eating. But childless women don't come from another universe, says Laura Carroll, childfree blogger and author of Families of Two. "It's a myth that the childless don't know anything about parenting," she says. "They were once children themselves, they may have nieces and nephews or they may work with kids." Instead of subtly putting her down, show genuine interest and curiosity about your friend's opinions on parenting topics, says Carroll. She may surprise you with a fresh and effective approach.

Monday, July 9, 2012

Death to a Pony – 'My little Pony'


Tis a sad day that we send off our first pony to the great beyond.  It’s official that our annual “Christmas Ornament Massacre” has arrive nearly six months early.

Holy Cow moment ?:  How do I explain the death of a toy?  

How do you explain to a toddler that her toy is, for all intensive purposes, dead.  How do I explain why the dog is not getting yelled at, or well he was but he is not being punished.  How can you explain why she must apologize and the dog does not, not over her toy’s death but in general?  Well lucky for me I have a little bit of time to get these answers.  As of right now, my child didn’t care except for the fact I had to remove the remains of the pony from her grasp.

My dog, the dear, annoying, horse that he is, eats anything with legs.  The first year it was only the left leg.  I lost Rudolph, several Santa’s, a care bear or two and in the end I decided it was simply time for new ornaments.  The next year there was no leg discrimination. Left or right, arm’s had to go too.  Finally I got smart and the dogs no longer get to be near the tree – but now what?  My daughters legged toys are no longer safe. 

We have tried showing him love, giving him treats, letting him have new toys and removing her toys from his sight but to no avail. Somehow the dog finds the legged toys.  Our house at Christmas is a grave yard of paraplegic ornaments; oh I would love to keep this from happening year round, I hope we find our solution soon.

Holy Cow am I amazed at what my dog will do for attention, but worse yet I am amazed that no matter what we do dog of toddler will always find what you missed.

Tuesday, July 3, 2012

Happy Independence Day

I love my country.  Too bad it’s going up in flames at the moment.  Well, my state and parts of the west are anyway.  It’s just too dry and too hot. 

Maybe the lack of fireworks is a blessing for a toddler.  My daughter’s first fourth of July was not at the top of her list of excitement.  I don’t know if this year would have been any better.  She’s like most living animals, skittish around loud noises.  The flip side is, I really wanted to do something fun tomorrow night.  I will settle for the parade but in order to do this I think we will need to tie or leash my child.  Is that bad?