Sunday, December 25, 2011

Omg, Y U can

Holly Cow moment #: I can live without the cell phone, yes it's true. There is survival beyond the cell phone. although it has taken me a husband, a baby and turning an age past my twenties I survived an entire evening without the electronic leash. Christmas eve proves that you can use a normal camera-one actually higher quality then my phone, novel concept. I have also learned there is absolutely nothing I am missing on face book, nor do I have to post a photo of my babies first Christmas just to enjoy my night. I have learned I don't need to txt everyone-this experience made me go back to what life was like before texting (gasp)-yes I know was there such a time. Well my fellow followers, life goes on although I did hyperventilate for the first 30minutes but after I stopped trying to check the evil device that has single handedly enslaved humanity, the night went great and everything was the same when I got home to it's tiny little brick like body.

Thursday, December 15, 2011

Jolly old Fat Man

Please make sure your children under the age of …well whatever the age is when Santa is no longer part of their lives.   I don’t want to ruin anyone’s Christmas.

Let me just say that I love Christmas first and foremost.  Christmas music is blaring in my car whenever I am in it, still not helping with the road range thanks to the “SPEICAL” drivers out there. Christmas music plays on my radio at home, ABC’s 25 days of Christmas is usually running unless Lifetime has a better – usually a little depressing Christmas Special (I do see why my husband has threatened to ban this channel for women.) I am excited, I live for the holidays, I live for the cold weather where I can nestle into the couch with a cup of hot cocoa (for roughly 10 minutes until afore mentioned child wants to do something else).  I love my Christmas village and my Christmas Tree and even love my lights outside-which pale in comparison to the Griswold’s down the street. I really should post a picture of the house that lights up the ENTIRE street.  Who knew there were so many varieties of decorations one could cram into a tiny little yard and not blow a circuit.

Did I mention I love my Christmas village? I love pretending that I live there…dare I admit I have an ongoing virtual town running in my head.  When no one is looking my village has a life – IN MY HEAD – so I can’t be too nuts since it is in my head.  But I am dying to know weather or not Lizzy Price and Homer Wilson get married (my two little characters that sit on the bench year after year have a thing going I just know it).  I know someone is judging me right now – well you know what I DON”T CARE because once you have a kid people just stop saying anything, people just look at you with that smile “Oh she has a child so its okay, we will let it go”. 

IN FACT – When you have a kid it suddenly makes sense why it was ok for your mother or grandmother to wear those UGLY holiday sweatshirts and sweaters.  Suddenly it doesn’t seem so tacky – no I am not going to start wearing them but honestly you can get away with it when you are a parent, no one judges you anymore.  Holy Cow have a kid and you literally can walk around in sweatpants and a shirt that could make any pre child fashonista (which according to Microsoft is not a word) cringe and go running for the nearest mall.  Lets be honest there are days when I think some people could make a homeless person look like they have better fashion sense then a parent.  So now down to what brought on my holiday excitement -

My holiday rant.  So what is the deal – “Lying is bad” except for Santa and the Easter Bunny and … well anything around the holidays. Don’t get me wrong my children will grow up with the same old farce as everyone else but why?  Why is this ok?  Why do we think that its ok to teach our children that a Jolly old fat man is delivering toys, heck some gifts are so good I want the credit for crying out loud?  Why do we say its bad to break and enter except for said Jolly Old Fat man.  Why do we teach them that obesity is the cause of all that is bad in our lives – except for the Jolly Old Fat man who really should have a bunch of heart issues since he is so “Jolly” aka Fat.  I just don’t know when it became ok to lie to our youth about this, strange and creepy really.  How dumb do we think our children are – when do we actually admit that we lied to them for the past so many years.  They either start to realize the man doesn’t exist or they start to think the fat guy discriminates since “Joe whoever” got an Ipad and they only got a book –yeah yeah I know who gives books anymore but you get the picture. Like I said I am just curious why these lies – in our parenting minds are fine- and when do we admit to our children that we have-GASP-been lying to them.  I realize that sometimes breaching the subject earlier then later is forced on us since there is no parental agreement that everyone should lie to their kids and that you always wait until age whatever before telling your child there is not Jolly Fat man, unless Grandpa happens to be sitting in the lazy boy then I guess you have to change your wording for fear of a disastrous miscommunication.

So Holy Cow Moment #:  Parents no longer are held at the same standards as the rest of society when it comes to fashion.  I suddenly understand the ugly sweater/sweatshirt for the holidays my mother/grandmother/aunt wore.  And we outwardly lie to our children knowing at some point we will get caught.  Ahh how the holidays just break the rules.

Tuesday, December 13, 2011

Mom Car Update

Not the way to start the morning - sick kid=running late and forgotten breakfast but thank you mom car.  I found a poptart of which I know was only a week old and was in a ziplock bag, forgotten from yet another breakfast-less morning.  So, no worries that I might be eating something unidentifiable, do poptarts ever really go bad (please don’t tell me maybe I don’t want to know).  Being it is so cold out it was almost like my poptart had been refrigerated for freshness – there problem solved either way.

Did you know you can warm a poptart on the defrosting vents?  It might not be toasted but at least it was warm  :-)  YES! Go mom car!  Another victory against cleaning out my car.

Friday, December 9, 2011

The big bad "B" word

Holy Cow Moment #: Why is it you say the words "we are going on a budget" and you just jinxed yourself? The word budget subconsciously must mean "I'm rich let's spend more then we normally do."

I'm no longer using the word budget, we are going to use the words "we aren't leaving the house because we can't afford gas" this way my darn subconscious stays in check because I sure as heck am not walking anywhere. Maybe this is just us, but a few others I know seem to have the same odd phenomena occurring especially around the holidays.

Holy cow moment: the word budget has become a word that we no longer say in this house, my daughter will probably associate this word with those other bad words we also no longer use. I see it now "mommy someone just said the B word...Budget"

Saturday, December 3, 2011

You will Understand....someday

Holy Cow Moment ?: ever hear the words "you'll understand when?" well it's a load of baloney in my opinion.

Things I still don't understand:
- I still don't understand how getting older would help me understand why You think I'm wrong...I still know know I was right.

-I still don't see how I was ever going to use certain math or science classes...and I'm in a field that supposedly uses them.

-growing older never explained why people are so rude or why a puppy can melt even the grinch's heart.

-Having a child did not help me understand my parents any better but she is helping understand insomniacs better.

-I still can't figure out why store bought cheese doesn't mold even after 2 months past the expiration date.

-Men and some of their actions is still a mystery to me-granted. I still can't always explain other women's actions either. and I will never understand my dogs.

Frankly I just think some things are better left alone. So holy cow moment is: before I use the words 'someday' or 'when you're older' and the phrase 'you'll understand' I'm going to stop-put on the old thinking cap and go "huh, will they or am I just saying it to shut them up." (those with two year olds can be exempt).

What were you supposed to get someday?