Monday, March 26, 2012

Traveling lightly...or being prepared for everything

Food for thought-I drive a mom car, the car prepared for national disaster- what makes you think I would travel lite to start with.

Holy Cow Moment ?: Children will make you perpetually late, it doesn't matter what you do. My daughter, even for a girl, still seems to have an absurd amount of accessories.

Our first vacation was a three hour road trip. We still left 2 hours after we initially thought we would even with us trying to leave around lunch-not even mid morning.

My plan was to get a rental car, why add unnecessary milage to our cars. This was in fact a great idea. We got a much larger car then we own...this apparently was necessary. We filled a larger car, mostly with my daughters things.

Travel highchair to harness the tornado. Travel pack n play, to allude to the idea that she might sleep alone-I was wrong, strange place means sleeping with mom and dad. Lots and lots of toys of which the best things to play with were a plastic spoon, a magazine (it died and did not make it home), moms purse and again anything that can be shredded-why do we try. We also had her suitcase with multiple wardrobe changes, not because she's a diva but because we either poop through it or wear most of our food. Diapers, well we didn't even try we simply bought a new bag, predicting our Childs usage is as accurate as predicting the end of the world. I won't bore you with everything we packed but we were prepared for it all and thanks to moms over preparation we had success.

Holy cow-we can fill a midsize suv, what happened to traveling with the basics?

The bad thing to come from the trip is I want a new car, I loved the rental and was sad to leave her. Yes, her, we bonded-the car not my daughter, although we bonded too.

Yeay for a successful family getaway.

Thursday, March 22, 2012

Do you remember

Holy cow moment ?: Do you remember the first moment you or someone you know made the choice to start a family? Did you even realize you were old enough to have a baby?  I still remember being 18 or 21; I do not feel old enough, well I didn't until I started to wake up with new aches that I swear were not there the night before.

For me, the initial thought that I was ready was while driving home from a 3rd birthday, I had the sudden urge to cry because we did not have any kids. My husband came around to the idea several months later.

The difference between the male mind vs the female in this situation?  Well there are a lot of differences.

In order to procreate a few basic things happen.  I am sure all of you are well aware of this and i don't need to spell this out.
In the male mind their initial thought is: "Cool! Unprotected sex." to the female it's, "OMG, OMG, we're really doing this.  Wait are we really doing this?"

The phrase "we're pregnant"
Male: "cool 9 more months of no protection."
Female: "OMG, OMG. We have a million things to do. Oh crap I'm ganna be sick."

The visual of the baby bump:
Male: "that's mine." - see the "mom car explained" for territory marking. Nothing says taken like a baby bump.
Female: "Omg, I'm pregnant. Crap I gained weight, oh crap this thing will need to come out. Omg what did we do?"

Holy cow it still feels like yesterday that our little girl turned our lives upside down but then again there are nights that feel like we haven't had sleep in years.
Do you remember the moment you were ready to change your world and share it with a tiny human? I do and I've been paying for it ever since. Just kidding. But the reality is I don't remember life before her, she's a piece to our family puzzle.

In between there were lots of other steps but I still remember standing in our bedroom folding laundry talking to my husband about really "doing this family thing". When he said "sure" I repeated a similar answer that I said when he proposed 2 years earlier. " Seriously?"  In a positive shocked sort of way; like when did we get old enough to have a baby?

Friday, March 16, 2012

Mommy Stalking

Holy Cow Moment ?: have you ever found yourself on the quest for other moms in your same situation? Or maybe not even the same situation but maybe just the same vicinity-like your neighborhood? How about using your kid as bait?

Nothing, I repeat nothing will stop people dead in their tracks to talk to you like a baby. For those out there trying to improve your social life-have a baby, for those trying to snag a man-borrow a baby (or have one, that seems extreme though), for those trying to meet neighbors that one might have lived by you for seven years-have a baby, an excuse for dark circles under you eyes-have a...oh wait that's how you get dark circles from the lack of sleep.

Well folks I did it. I put my baby in the stroller and walked around the area...thirty minutes of walking for nothing. Not one new person was out, not a single mommy to be seen. I needed adult conversation and all I got was exercise.

Thursday, March 15, 2012

To do my hair or not-that is the question

Holy cow moment ?; I've officially given up on my hair. As I was driving to work drying my hair in the heat vents i realized that as far as the beauty world goes I have hit rock bottom. As the weather gets nicer I switch from heat vents to windows rolled down. The wind blown look is a style right?

Well I was informed the wind blown look is not a style, wet hair does not style well for work and people judge you when your brushing your hair while trying to dry it in the vent at a stop light. I guess I am a transitioning mom. I have recently started washing my hair in the bath tub the night before, leaving me with dry-semi styled hair, and a shower and makeup routine that take 20 minutes or less the next day. Score. That means either 10 more minutes with my daughter or 10 more minutes in bed. So hard to choose.

This new method actually makes summer more comfortable, I No longer have to blast the heat vents.

Holy Cow my hair routine is evolving all thanks to having not only lunches to pack in the morning, a shower to take, makeup to do, hitting the snooze one to many times and now getting a child fed. Sometimes kids improve our lives schedules.

Wednesday, March 14, 2012

The Not So Itsy Bitsy Spider

Holy cow moment ?:  I was attacked by the biggest spider ever!  Ok, maybe attacked is the wrong word.  More like surprised.  But it was the biggest spider ever, or well, it was the biggest spider at the moment – ok so any spider is massive when it comes down from the ceiling in the garage without warning!  Has anyone heard my terrible spider stories?

Pre-Baby Occurrences
Incident 1: I was walking down the stairs of my unfinished basement to be greeted by a massive spider. I am talking six feet by six feet – no joke.  Turns out it was the shadow of a spider whose body –not including legs – was the size of a quarter in the window well outside the house who was being projected onto the wall.  Thank you Mr. Sun for the heart attack.  I think I might have peed myself.  To exact my revenge – or to rid my house of this horrible spider to rival all spiders, I crept out of my house through the patio doors, down the porch through the grass to the side of the house.  I was careful and quiet – because we all know that spiders  jump out and attack (or maybe this was a little overkill.) As I slowly got within shooting range of the window well – roughly six feet is what the bottle of Home Defense said I started to shoot.  Eyes closed, I aimed (yes figure that one out) and started to rapid fire off nearly a third of the bottle.  HAHA, take that you deadly spider.  Go back from whence you came. Assuming I had a deadly infestation I promptly returned inside, proceeded to wash my hands four times to remove any possible contamination, from spider six feet away or the bug spray that was in my hand.  Once I was certain things were all taken care of I sat down at the computer and look up my evil nemesis.  Turns out the poor spider –yes poor innocent creature – was a “Cat faced” spider.  Look it up.  They are ugly as sin BUT totally harmless, never come in doors and only eat insects.  I did and still do feel guilty.

Incident 2: A year or so after the first terrifying experience I came home from work like normal and in a good mood.  The weather was beautiful and I was probably humming – if not it certainly conveys the mood I was in.  I came home, loaded my work computer bag onto my shoulder, grabbed my purse and walked to the front door. As I was struggling with my keys to the front door something caught my attention out of the corner of my eye.  I paused, logically thought about it and went to put my key into the front door.  My thought was that there is no way something that large was really there, must have been a leaf- but no it moved again.  This time I paused, stood very still before resolving myself to slowly look over at the small wall by the door, and then I screamed like a small child, dropped my bag and ran across the street.   Lucky for me I had my cell phone which I promptly used to call my husband, who was still at work I might add.  Breathlessly and calmly (not) I described the situation.  “There is the world’s biggest spider by the front door. I’m locked out.  I can’t get in the front door.  It’s huge, no wait massive!” 

My husband sweetly and patiently then responds to oh-so calm wife. “Ok, I doubt it is that big.”
Me: “No it really is.”
Husband: “Really?  I think you might be over reacting.”
Me:  “Oh yeah?  I’ll show you.  Hold on.”  I then proceed to stop over to the house, get close enough to zoom in with my camera on the phone and snap a photo.  The spider is wider than a standard brick, he (of course it’s male in my book), is by a power outlet and is larger than that even.  It is huge!!! A minute later my husband gets the photo.
Husband: “Ok, that is a big spider. Well kill it.”
Me: “With what?”
Husband: “I don’t know. Your shoe?”
Me: “Uh huh. Right.  No.  Come home.  I am locked out.”
Husband: “There is a key pad on the garage.  Can you get to the garage?”
Me: “oh”

From there I proceed to get into the garage choose my bug spray of choice (I have a lot) and stand, once again, as far as possible from the offending bug.  Once again I douse it.  (please no one tell me how cruel this is.  I really don’t mean it but in the moment of panic my mind doesn’t work.) After waiting several minutes of watching said spider do the death thrash dance I finally see him dead, curled in a ball.  This allows me to get close enough to grab my bag, walk back to the garage and shut the nightmare out – until the next day when I remember the corpse and refuse to use the front door until my husband buries the body.  Later I found out it was a tarantula – another fairly harmless spider.  After that moment I decided I would go look up the species first and then decide to kill it or call someone to relocate it – no I am not touching it.

FYI I did not ask the current spider that start this blog what he was.  It was night, it was dark and he ambushed me therefore he died.

Back to present:

I have fears, I think I stated this in a previous post; I listed Zombie apocalypse preparation even. Back to the current trauma at hand;  I am terrified of spiders.  But I have reached outside my comfort zone to protect my little girl.  I will kill that mean evil, HUGE, Mutant spider in the name of mommy-hood.  I am afraid I will let her down someday, I hate that I won’t be there for every bump or bruise but when I am there I will make sure I do the best I can for her.  Who knew having a child would make me cry at darn near everything but give me the strength to kill a spider?  I still can’t say if my husband thinks the trade offs are all that great but I do know he agrees that our little-one is worth everything – of course he is not the one with the issues from the pregnancy now is he? 

Holy cow I can kill a spider.  I still get the hebbie Jebbies but I can do it. 

Monday, March 12, 2012

Time Change my foot

Holy Cow Moment ?: who forgot to tell my infant there was a time change? I hated losing an hour when I was young, more when I was a teenager, loathed it when I was a college student, couldn't bear it when I was single, missed the hour when I was married and despise and dread it now that I'm a mom.

Losing an hour has never been all that great-an extra hour of daylight my foot. I'd rather just sleep, something I've been robbed of enough since I became a mom.

Do farmers really need a clock to tell them when they should and should not be up? Does the sun know its supposed to be up longer or later thanks to the man made clock?

Holy cow I'm tired and I dread the next time change because although we will gain an hour no one has told my child that.
Maybe we should move to the part of Arizona where the time change isn't honored.

Wednesday, March 7, 2012

Mommy bloopers

Holy cow moment ?: I have a mortgage, dogs, a husband, a child and a job that robs me of all my energy - holy crap I'm an adult. So other then I do not remember growing up I should realize maintaining anonymity requires a bit of thought.

Oh daycare how you are necessary. That does not however mean you can do what you want without asking, so I say thanks for the 'anonymous' feedback survey. It turns out the sheets do not go to corporate to have comments compiled; they go straight to the center and if you are specific enough for your issue to be addressed it's pretty easy to pin point the parent. Key words like 'infant room' narrow you to 1/6 parents. Add your generalized complaint about non-approved food and ta-da the center director and teacher can now personally apologize.

Oops-so much for anonymous.

Tuesday, March 6, 2012

Blog it, Tweet it, Write it, Whatever

Holy Cow Moment #:  Do you have the tattered old thing your mom filled out for you as a child, well some of people do.  Some mom’s never did do that fundamental book of firsts, the baby book. Baby books seem to be a thing of the past.  Our child now lives online.  Her photo is out there the day she is born along with the only weight she will never be embarrassed by, her height and any other tidbits mom and dad want to share.  The poor kid has an electronic footprint before she can even smile. 

What even happened to the baby book, birth announcements?  What if you are the embarrassing parent that doesn’t know it yet and you are ruining your Childs chance at becoming president.  Now her first step is electronically shared with the world, her first word, her random ear infection, if her BM’s are normal and if they are not you can ask for advice.  Frankly if you could publish the news from all different sources you would have your baby book through twitter, blogs, Facebook and whatever else.

My child will know how to type her name before writing it, or so it seems most days.  I am still writing her baby book and I still sent out birth announcements (in the Mail – with a stamp) but so many traditions are changing and things are becoming instant.  I still can’t believe I have to wait two weeks for my Childs portraits to be printed.  Weren’t we doing one hour photo’s over ten years ago? Come on photo place, this isn’t rocket science – anymore.

Every generation is different from the next but I think our kids have it the weirdest.  So much information at the tip of your fingers, what do you suppose they will do with it?

Saturday, March 3, 2012

What not to say....

Holy Cow Moment ?: people are rude and seem to have a dominant problem of foot in mouth decease. Ever want to reach out and smack them? I do all the time.

What not to say to a mom if you value your friendship.
1 Do not critique her parenting style, just because it's not yours does not mean her child will not survive to adulthood also.
2. Do not ever criticize her possible over protective nature. Mamma bear doesn't like being poked and I'm sure you value your life, right?
3. Leave her house alone, sure it looks like a category 5 tornado has hit but most likly she's barely keeping her head above water so for the time being smile and just watch where you sit.
4. Don't say "wow you look tired." of which you deserve the response, if you deserve one at all, of "thanks I have a kid what's your excuse?"
5. Don't make her feel bad for liking to be a homebody, if it came down to it; you or her baby who do you think would win?

Okay now moms can only get away with being rude for a few weeks after that, yes we're tired, yes showering is an olympic speed race but still don't you want to keep your pre baby, baby-free friends?
1. Moms don't ever say "you will understand when..." dont sell your child-free friends short. They aren't stupid, or not all of them are. To clear this up-yes I can pit down the baby but no it's not advisable to "just let them cry for an hour." Long story short no they don't truly 'know' but I think they can understand just talk to them.
2. Dont ever exclude them. Yes there is a mommy club, we know it. But guess what the child-free friend was there before and will most likly still be there after.
3. don't forget to talk about more then poop, pee, school, diapers, throw get the point. Remember the world before baby? It did not cease to exist contrary to your belief.

Okay-mom to mom this can be summed up easily.
1. Don't, i repeat, do not compare our kids because mine will always win.

Thanks for reading hope we can all maintain our friends, our lives, our sanity and somehow raise a few good human beings in the process.

Thursday, March 1, 2012

So who is in control again?

Holy Cow Moment ?: When exactly did i lose control? Suddenly my husband ignores me when a 2 foot tall terror is awake. Suddenly I eat standing up at the counter while prepareing food or walking said terror because she is hungry or fussy. Suddenly my nights revolve around baths, bottles, toys, naps, diapers and wether or not we really need food from the grocery store since she (2ft tall terror) doesn't want to leave the house.

I love sleeping in, TFTT (2ft tall terror) does not therefore I no longer do. TFTT doesn't like cars right now therefore I an now a shut in, TFTT didn't like solids yet and therefore I must be a bad parents-not giving her the foods she 'should' be eating. She wants to be mobile therefore mommy no longer like to sit. As it turns out I lost control the day I became mom.

Holy cow I've lost control and actually, I'm okay with it. Who knew a 2ft tall little girl would take over our worlds and we would let her. I do miss a moments of peace when I'm in the bathroom though-that and a full nights rest :-) other then that it's all good.