Friday, February 24, 2012

Have no fear mom is here,

Holy Cow Moment ?: As a mom we no longer have fear – or, actually, no wait we now have twice the fears. One night as I was rocking my child to sleep, the poor little girl has another ear infection that I almost missed, I realize my fears have changed. I still fear the mighty spider, okay so I am afraid of an eight legged hairy (and some not so hairy) freak the size of a quarter at best. This fear is valid being that small tiny thing can kill a huge giant human, so the next time some dippy person says that they are tiny and harmless I dare them to go up against a brown recluse OR even better a camel spider – those things are the size of birds. I am still afraid of someone robbing my home, not that I have anything that they want but hey, a robber doesn’t know that until they try, I am still afraid of death, losing a job, a bad hair day, severe allergic reactions, eating spoiled leftovers, losing touch with good friends, icey roads, my phone dying, being locked in a room with 'that' annoying person, you know the normal things to fear.

But now, now I am afraid of my child falling and I won’t be there, I am afraid she might get dehydrated at daycare or that i might screw her up but won't know until adulthood. I am afraid she might love the lady at daycare more then she loves me. I am afraid that i will let her down. I am afraid of loseing her, i have a mental contingency plan incase Zombies become a severe issue. I am questioning if i can live forever just incase she might need me - fountain of youth anyone? Really though, I think every mom wakes a million and one times a night asking - is her blanket on, is she too warm, is the humidifier on, are they breathing, was that a cry or a sleep noise, should i wake them to change their diaper or better yet give her something to drink. Heck my poor husband is freaking out in his sleep that our daughter was in our bed and was falling-yeah in his dream he wasn't falling she was.

I fear that fear is a constant. No one has a kid because they woke up one day an said 'gee I don't think I have enough worry in my life let's procreate' or if they do shoot them. Too bad the worry and fear are attached to the giggles and smiles.

Holy cow I understand the gray hairs that parents get. I think you succeed if you have hair at all in the end.

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