Friday, February 3, 2012

The walk of Shame

Holy Cow Moment ?: Remember what the walk of shame used to mean? Waking from somewhere strange, mouth imitating the smell of a sewage treatment plant, wearing the same clothes you wore the night before to do the 'walk of shame' or at least thats what my Sorority sisters called the glorious stroll from the fraternities. Being dropped off by a car never had it's own name- Drive of Shame? Not the same ring. Every woman knows this walk though, be it college, post college, Pre college and post menopausal -I work with a woman who is over 50 and walks the walk a lot. Who knew that her prime would be in her 50's.

The walk of shame has a new meaning today. Now it's the walk through the grocery store with hair you havnt brushed yet and sweatpants with carrots smeared on the butt,. The walk of shame is the walk you make after you child has just run through the house buck naked trailing TP like a streamer. The walk of shame is chasing you pants-less wonder (no not you poor husband) running and screaming from you after you placed them on the floor opened a diaper that should have it's own name and turned to get a wipe or seven. This child has super powers-they've rolled over, Smearing poop on themselves even more and some how jetted off in less time then it took you to pop the wipes top. The walk of shame is going to work only to discover that look you've been getting all day was not because you boobs look great in your top, but theres a glob of spitup on you lapel. The walk of shame is knowing you are wearing yesterdays pants and knowing they are the cleanest you have even with a few boogers and a swipe of sweet-potato-God created baby wipes for a reason right?

The walk of shame is what you pretty much do every day now. The difference from then and now? No one is judging you. No one is looking at you with eyes that clearly don't approve; now everyone has pity filling their gaze or a look of understanding, glazed over with exhaustion. Motherhood is pretty good, you now have an excuse for being unkempt and disheveled. You now have a reason to live in sweat pants on the weekends and shower at 5pm on Saturday If you shower at all. I love my Dogs but even they didn't do this good of a job at validating those lazy days-too bad your lazy days have turned to chaos and aren't lazy anymore. Your now busy 24/7 and barely surviving, there is simply no energy to care anymore.

Holy cow, the walk of Shame has morphed into the walk of 'oh dear God please let no one see the squash that looks more like poop on my pants that's a little to close to a certain area not to be embarrassing.'

Is it weird to take a photo of your beloved munchkin and tape it to your back so everyone immediately knows what happened?

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